Reformissionary

McCoy Christmas Card 2013

Lots-o-Links 10.1.13

New books to Note: 

• Tim Keller: Walking With God Through Pain & Suffering (WTS | Amazon | Kindle)
• Tullian Tchividjian: One Way Love (Amazon | Kindle) -- Glorious Ruin is still FREE for Kindle

Cheap Kindle Books: 

• Christine Hoover: The Church Planting Wife ($1.99)
• Derek Prime & Alistair Begg: On Being A Pastor ($2.99)
• Jared Wilson: Gospel Deeps ($2.99)
• Stephen Miller: Worship Leaders, We Are Not Rock Stars ($1.99)
• John Calvin - A Heart for Devotion, Doctine, & Doxology (FREE | Kindle)

Jen Thorn, Joe Thorn's wife, has a new website. Bookmark it, Feedly it, read it. She's a gem.

John Wesley on the Discipline of Reading by Brian Hedges

Reading requires discipline. But the investment of time yields great dividends for our personal life and ministry. The depth and breadth that reading will add to our thinking and preaching are surely worth the effort. Fellow pastors, do not neglect reading!

10 Ways to Become a Better Preacher by Justin Buzzard

In my opinion good preaching is something that flows through the heart of a man who is excited about Jesus because he’s personally enjoying the love of Jesus. I think the single most important thing a pastor can do is wake up each day and focus his energy on enjoying Jesus and having as much fun as possible. This is the only thing I know of that will protect you from the burnout most pastors experience from  the relentless strain of preaching and leading a church. I don’t think there’s much power in preaching grace if you yourself are not reveling in grace.

Is a Deacon Just a Servant? by Russell Moore

The question is not whether deacons serve or lead. Leadership, scripturally defined, is servanthood. The question is in what way do deacons lead. Deacons maintain the unity of the Body by giving leadership to the serving of temporal needs. They’re not a corporate board, nor are they a spiritual council of directors. They serve the Body by removing potential obstacles to unity by meeting human needs.

20 Great American Cities for Writers --> Go Chicago!

If you can’t live somewhere that isn’t a big, bustling city and you don’t want to pay New York City or California rent, you can’t beat the Windy City, which boasts great bookstores like Myopic in Wicker Park, Powell’s in Hyde Park, and the best place to get your weird zine/chapbook/comic fix: Quimby’s. There’s plenty of art and architecture to admire, wonderful coffee from local roasters like Metropolis, nice-sized and somewhat affordable places to live, plenty of great bars, schools like the University of Chicago, writers and poets like Adam Levin and Lindsay Hunter calling the place home, the Printers Row Lit Fest … All of which is to say, Chicago plays second literary city to nobody.

Back To School Fool

My brother, Scott McCoy, took a "Back To School" photo that has gotten some buzz and was actually interviewed by CNN. It's not my sense of humor, but it's exactly what I would expect from Scott. And it's a well-executed. CNN/HLN is supposed to run it soon, maybe on a morning show. Pretty cool.

First Day of School 2013 -- Alt Pics

Two of my favorite alternative pics for the first day of school...

First Day of School 2013

2013 - Danny (10 - 5th, last year of elementary) | Elijah (12 - 7th, 2nd year of middle school) | Jack (14 - Freshman) | Sarah (16 - Junior)

2012

2011

2010

2009

2008

2007

2006

The Wedding Vows | 20 Years Later

Today my wife and I are celebrating 20 years of marriage. I could write the obligatory post or FB update on how amazing she is and how undeserving I am and how I'm glad we get to go on this journey together and I hope we get 20 more years on this journey. I believe those things and could easily say them and mean them.

I could talk about how much joy I still have when I see her or hear her voice. But we've both come to realize that after 10 years those things were easy to say, but after 20 there's a whole lot of other things in our lives that won't allow me to write something trite because 20 years of marriage isn't easy. It's been very hard. The fun of the first 10 years disappeared a bit in the light of other developments. We often say to each other, remember when we used to make up corny songs or give each other silly nicknames? Of course we remember, but we don't do that nearly as much now. We still do some of that, but they have mostly disappeared in the light of other developments.

In the second 10 years of marriage God has made sure we understand things about ourselves we didn't wish to learn. He has brought us into and maybe never-in-this-body out of certain kinds of suffering. He has shown us how fragile life is with our marriage, our kids, our continuing struggle with selfishness and heart idols. So on this our 20th anniversary, we want to share some thoughts about marriage, mostly for my younger married and not yet married readers. We often think about you with a bit of envy that we can't go back to the time when marriage was easy and a daily adventure. It really was easy in comparison with what has come to us. And we know our experience won't be common to all, or the timing of what we have learned, but we hope others find it helpful as we have found it helpful to meditate on our marriage and share these things with you.

What I offer below isn't some well crafted, well edited article. It's my anniversary morning thoughts, unplanned beyond the time it took to write it. We talked as I wrote, and this post accurately relays how we feel. This is what 20 years of marriage vows have meant to us, though we could obviously say much more. And we hope to convey that we aren't complaining. We can't talk about the vows without mentioning the hard part of the vows. It's not pretty or easy, but it's good.

1. To Have And To Hold From This Day Forward

Having and holding each other felt pretty doggone good 20 years ago. I remember as a young unmarried man thinking of how amazing it would be to be married one day and holding a woman who loves me at any moment of any day that I'd like to hold her. And now 20 years later we hold each other less often than we did, but still a lot. Some days, right in the middle of the day, we will go lay in the bed for a bit and hold each other and talk about whatever. It still is a joy, though we find ourselves thinking of something that needs to get done and move on.

In a bigger sense, we 20 years later have still only each other to have, and each other to hold. There is no one else, and we love that. And we are still each other's best friend. What we started in only having and holding each other has continued. And we look forward to more days, weeks, months, and years of only holding one another. 

In the last 10 years, we didn't just get the pleasure of having and holding each other. We had to, often because there was little else in this life given to us by God to cling to. We still had each other. We held each other when under attack from gossips, when Molly had both of her brain surgeries, when horrible things happened to our children, when the things of this world and the messengers of Satan pushed us, we fell into the arms of God and each other. And we're still here.

It isn't good for man to be alone, and at times in ministry and in various times and places, it's been very lonely. I remember many days and nights, from early on to two days ago, where something in me needed to hold someone and she was there. By God's magnificent grace He has provided me with a beautiful, godly, loving wife...to have and to hold. And we move forward.

2. For Better, For Worse

We've had remarkable "better" times. I know a lot of married people who seem to love each other very much. Good on them. But I can't think of anyone who has more fun being married than me and Molly. It's a trip. And "better" times are just grand, when the bills are paid and the basement isn't flooding and the kids are getting good grades and there aren't any cavities. When times are good we sing together and enjoy each other's company. We forgive each other quickly and enjoy each others idiosyncrasies. We make time to hang out and talk, to get alone, to spend time around others. But anyone can endure the better times.

Especially during the last 10 of our 20 years the "worse" times have been pretty bad. Some very bad. Some things we've been through are still too painful to describe in a post like this, so I won't. Many of my readers already know some significant "worse" times through my blogging during and after Molly's brain surgeries. We haven't had it as bad as many others, and we've had it worse than many others. But comparison isn't the point and isn't how we think of our marriage. This is our road. It's our marriage. 

We've had to preach the gospel to each other a lot. In worse times the gospel can get lost. God has given us each other to put someone there day by day to speak of the cross and peace and grace and love and forgiveness when one of us is distracted by the worse of our own sinfulness or the bad things that happen to us. Our stresses tend to bleed into each others lives because we are one, but we endure together. Sometimes the one not suffering gets angry or bitter and the one who is suffering is suffering well and reminds the other of how Jesus suffered for us and the gospel breaks us of our bitterness. 

I had no idea what "worse" would look like in marriage. We were both naive. We thought we took the high and happy road by being fully committed to covenantal love for one another, and that would lead to a ton of better and little worse. Experiencially, it didn't. Though we've never even discussed divorce since we see it as a non-option, it doesn't take the breaking of a marriage apart for a married couple to be broken. Still God, through giving us one another, makes those "worse" time, as bad as they are, really a "better" time because He is there with us, and we are there with each other. 

3. For Richer, For Poorer

We've never appeared on the "richer" side of things for the American middle class context. My income has always been lower than to provide all the things we generally believe we need as Americans. After all this time our kids haven't gotten braces and don't have money for college.  The last 5-6 cars have been free or almost free, by necessity. Our last three homes have been parsonages or missionary housing, free of charge, and we have never owned a home or townhouse. Nearly everyone our age and life stage is driving something newer and better. Everyone's house is bigger. Everyone's retirement account is fuller. Probably not completely fair, but the feeling is there and mostly accurate. 

But 20 years of marriage has taught us that a bigger house doesn't make for a happy home. A nicer car often means a bigger car payment which we don't have. We aren't living for retirement, because we realize real rest is coming on That Day. Sure, we'd like a new BMW or Suburban to drive. Really we would. But being married and having four amazing kids and keeping things simple is a kind of riches to us.

When times have been very tight, we still retell the stories of God providing vans and houses and groceries. Our kids aren't hearing stories of financial achievement, but faith and a God who provides far beyond what we deserve. Our marriage has endured times where we have gone without because we go with God and with each other. We go with the Church who has loved us and given so much for the gospel's sake.

We hope our finances improve and we are able to provide our kids things that we want, and we are working and praying toward that end. But if we can't, we know One who can provide in riches and in poverty. He has proven Himself over and over. And my wife and I remind each other of that as often as we can.

4. In Sickness And Health

In connection to money, we should add here that the plan from early on, like many couples, was to keep Molly home from work during the formative years of our kids until she could work (if she chose to) once they entered school. It was very difficult, but we did it. She was earning almost $30 an hour as a dental hygienist early in our marriage. But we sacrificed for the kids. She worked at home with our kids and I held one or more jobs while full time in school. Then came her diagnosis with Chiari I Malformation resulting in 2 brain surgeries which pretty much eliminated her chance at that career or much of any other career.

She took a job working at a local elementary school with a special needs kid during school hours last year. It messed her up and she had to stop. Still many local friends think she stopped for no particular reason. Truth is, it was devastating to her health. Because she's pretty and always looks happy around others, most don't realize the sickness runs deep and has ongoing effect. Few understand what daily life is like when "health" seems to be a condition that will never describe her adequately again until That Day. 

Molly is "sick," never fully well, always living below the level of those first 20 years of her life and first 10 years of our marriage. Right now, for example, she wakes up every day wondering if she will have that particular headache that puts her down for a full day of vomiting and out of commission for anything else. And it's all a result of something no doctor is able to change. 

Both of us have suffered varying levels of depression and anxiety the last 10 years. The last 10 years both Molly and I have lost our ability to sleep well. Sometimes we can't fall asleep. Sometimes we can't stay asleep. Rarely do either of us feel fully rested. 

The first 10 years of our marriage I was in various stages of health, working hard both mentally and physically. After a few fun years of mountain biking and being in amazing shape, I found I had a few disc problems in my upper back. Often one day of exercise messes me up for weeks. Lifting weights has become nearly impossible. The only trip my family took to Disney World, I couldn't ride any coasters with the kids because of extreme pain when both awake and asleep. 

We've had times of health, and times of "sickness." What we have learned along the way is that we get to endure together and help each other in the sick times. I've told Molly many times that as odd as it seems I have found the times of her greatest fear and deepest sickness, namely right before and during her brain surgeries, to be times of great growth for me. She is helpless and needy and I get to serve her. I learned to take care of her household duties as well as do my own work as a pastor. I learned to have someone lean hard on me in times of incredible need, and I enjoyed being there for her. I learned to lean hard on God because I was forced to live beyond my means...which is what I should have been doing all along. 

Sick times have only begun. Our 20 years of marriage have us both about the age of 40, which is still young. We don't feel that young. Times get so bad that Molly will look at me and say, "I sure wish Jesus would hurry up and come back." She means it. And yet being married in sickness and health means we hold each others' hand while waking up another day and working hard for each other, for our kids, and for the sake of the world hearing the gospel. What a joy to have all this pain and endure it together as husband and wife for all this time.

5. To Love And To Cherish 

What love meant to us 20 years ago was ridiculous. It meant a lot of awesome physical things (at least for me) and a general vibe of fun and adventure and playfulness and a general attitude of "What's next? Let's go do it!" For Molly it meant security and companionship. It meant sharing life with a best friend and lover. 

Now, 20 years later, love is so much better though at first it doesn't feel like it is. Love early on was all over the place. It was public displays of affection and big toothy grins in photographs. It was weekend trips and events and discovery of wonderful life stuff. We got to explore the world we inhabited and the pleasures of marriage together, and it was exciting. It hasn't stayed quite that way. 

With the births of our children in particular, the quick, heated, excited kind of love began to shrink. Actually, it didn't shrink so much as it transformed. Now our sharply directed love for one other became spread out. Anyone who tells you that you can experiencially love your spouse the same before having kids and as you are raising your raise kids isn't telling you the truth. It becomes work. Justin Buzzard has had to write a book about how to Date Your Wife because too often we stop. The first years of marriage was a constant date. Since having children, dating has has to become intentional. And those deep conversations into the night have become conversations into the evening after the kids are in bed and the last household chores have been done and "OH MY look at the time, I have to get up early in the morning for MOPS group." Goodness sakes. 

We thank God for those years of racy love and the millions of kisses and endless hours of playful teasing. That's a part of our love for and cherishing of each other. We thank God for the years of settling in to a deep and abiding love through huge mistakes, hurtful arguments, angry comments, putting off forgiving each other, apathetic stretches, and lulls between moments of kissing each other like we really mean it and don't have something better to do. 

Love has lost some of it's glorious youthful bite, but grown into learning I need to listen to her like her voice is living water poured into me. Love has become seeing gifts I am still learning to discover. Cherishing her has grown into a daily job of staring at her once again, like I did before, thanking God for the years on her face because it's those years of knowing each other deeply that gave her mildly aging face character and tells a thousand stories of her love for me, beyond what I have ever deserved. I've learned that loving and cherishing my wife almost never has to do with what sounds good to me, but learning what sounds good to her and letting her have that to her hearts content and being the one to enjoy supplying it for her. And yet I'm so far from doing that like I should. How much I love her, and how much I have yet to really love her.

5. Until Death Do Us Part

To end this briefly, we haven't gotten there yet. We've known for a long time it can end any day. We've never realized that more than right now. We've been given a 20 year gift and hope to enjoy it longer. But 20 years in we have absolute certainty that we have been given to each other less to have fun and more to work for each other toward that common joy of life eternal. We aren't headed toward a more perfect eternal marriage with each other, but with the Bridegroom who will show us what this momentary marriage was always pointing us to. It took us 20 years for this idea to actually sink in, but in many ways we've only scratched the surface of understanding what forever will look like. But considering the massive pain we've endured and the indescribable joy we've found in 20 years together, eternity is going to be a stunner.

I love you, Molly. Keep walking with me in these broken bodies and with these selfish struggles with sin, hold my hand, and let's stay on this narrow path to something far better than what has been so amazingly good.

Lots-o-Links 6.12.13

10 Reasons To Get Married & Have Kids Young

My list would look a little different than this, but Molly and I got married young, had kids young, and we love to encourage others to do the same. 

Tim Keller On How To Get Into Gospel Conversations

A video, but more importantly a nice outline of what Keller says.

Justin Taylor - On Writing Well

Go read more on Justin's four points:

1. Read Slowly
2. Read a lot
3. Write to think
4. Write and rewrite

Jesus Wants My Heart by Daniel Renstrom

I'm listening to Daniel Renstrom's new album, Jesus Wants My Heart. It's a family worship album of songs that kids and parents will both enjoy. enjoy singing together. I can tell you that right off the bat I was singing along. A wonderful balance of Gospel and theology in song.

Here are five things Daniel hopes this album will do. Go Read more at Daniel's blog. 

1. I hope that families will have rich theological discussions because of the songs on JWMH.  
2. I hope that families have fun listening to these songs.
3. I hope that these songs give your kids good categories to love God and fight sin.
4. I hope that these songs help parents fulfill Deuteronomy 6:6-7.
5. I hope these songs will have evangelistic fruit.

There are songs Renstrom wrote and some hymns. I think you will love it.

Kids Taking Notes During Sermons

A few weeks ago I emphasized to one son that it would be good to takes notes during my sermons. Now it seems to be viral. Here's a sample from my two other sons from Sunday. The backs are both covered with notes too. My 12 yr old said how much easier it is to remember what I'm saying and not have his mind wander when he takes notes. They really love letting me see what they wrote. It's a pretty cool thing. Jack (14) now is keeping a notebook of sermon notes. What do your kids do during sermons? Would love to see if any do something like this. (Click the pic to see it bigger & in more detail.)

Advice For Parenting Young Kids

There's a lot of parenting advice out there. Some is great. Much of it is lacking. Some is downright harmful. With a 16 girl driving around, two middle school boys (14 & 12 yrs old) and our youngest son in 4th grade (nearly 10 yrs old), we've experienced a lot of success & struggle in our parenting. We've gotten advice from books, other parents, pastors, and our own parents. We've taken courses on parenting and had one pastor/wife and family that we learned much from and watched closely as they did so much right (radically different than most parents we'd ever seen). I wanted to share some advice for things I feel we have learned and that not enough folks are talking about. At its core, this list is a quick mind-dump of the practical advice I want to give parents with young kids after years of doing it. By no means do we do all of this perfectly. I assume you know that already.

This is probably most ideal for parents-to-be, new parents, and parents with kids under 10 years old. This isn't exhaustive, ordered, etc. It's not my top 10. There are some crucial ones that most who read this already believe and do to some extent, so I'll assume them (read Bible, pray, etc). What I will do is give one angle on each of those rather than convince you to do it in general. And while many tips are built on biblical ideas, I'm going to talk very practically and simply and not make this merely a "from-the-Bible" list. Also, I'm not dealing much with rules vs grace, an important topic. There are many things that could be added to this list, including things I failed remember. So your comments are welcome if you'd like to share your advice.

The first handful need some extra explanation so they are understood. The rest need little explanation, but I wanted to at least mention them.

Advice For Parenting Young Kids

Believe Kids Are A Blessing | Our world sees kids as a burden. The Scriptures tell us they are a blessing from the Lord. In your thinking about your children, in all you do as a parent, remember & trust that God has given them to you as a blessing. It will change how you see them and how you parent them. It hopefully will even change how many of them you have. Who wouldn't want MORE blessing? 

Read The Jesus Storybook Bible To Them | A tool we didn't have while the kids were really young, it would have been a staple of their Bible story diet. Honestly, it still was.

Pray With Your Kids Concerning Taking Risks | Yes, pray for needs and give them models of prayer, etc. But pray aloud with them about the kinds of risks God wants them to take. "God if my boys sees someone being bullied at school, give them strength to stop it even if it means they get hurt." Something like that. We also regularly pray that God would use them mightily, even if that means persecution, going far away as a missionary, etc.

Teach *First Time Obedience* | When Dad or Mom says do it, they do it. We are the parents. They are kids. Why is this important? Do you want them to obey God the first time, or to put it off? Also, if they don't obey us there are often major consequences in the future. Sometimes if they don't obey there are major consequences in the very near future. Example: We taught our children to *stop* when we say stop. We didn't chase them around at parties or baseball games or at the park. We say stop, they were taught to stop or face discipline. One of our kids was bad about running through parking lots on the way in to a store. Our *first time obedience* teaching probably saved his life or at least bodily harm more than once. But the everyday, simple things will create disciplined & respectful kids. It will also shock people around you and create opportunities to talk about why your parenting "works."

My pastor once had one child ask for a chip (adults were eating chips) and he said "Ok." Another of his children overheard and came over and asked for a chip. He said "No." The child, without hesitation, said "ok" and walked away. My pastor then told him to return and explained how happy he was that he was willing to trust him and obey even when it seemed unfair, and then gave him a chip. That's the power of this one rule when taught consistently.

ALSO, don't use the counting rule. When you count you are telling your kids they can delay obedience. "Johnny, get your coat on. Johnny! One...twooooo..." Not obeying now is disobedience. Period. Well, almost period...

Give Rules For Respectful Disagreement | Some call this an "appeal." Sometimes the demand of *first time obedience* lacks information that might change our parenting. Example. Me: "Kids, close your books. It's time for bed. Lights out." Daughter: "Dad, can I appeal?" or more simply, "Dad, can I finish this chapter. It's only one more page." Me, to all, "Yes. When Sarah's done, it's time for bed." I'm Dad and what I say goes, but I also realize my call to obedience can be adjusted.

Give Rules For Respectful Interruption | You are at a party or with your small group and kids are constantly saying "Dad! Dad! Dad!" You are teaching them to be the center of the universe. We tell our kids that when we are in a conversation with someone, they aren't allowed to interrupt rudely. The rule is, put your hand on my arm and I'll tell you when it's ok to interrupt. Sometimes I keep talking with someone for 45-60 seconds before I say to my son, "What do you need, buddy?" Don't let your kids interrupt rudely. You are the parent. Teach your kids to respect your conversation and the conversation of others. This will shock people too.

ALSO, when on the phone DO NOT allow your kids to interrupt you. It's very disrespectful when on the phone with someone talking about something important (or not) and their kids have no category that Mom or Dad is doing something important that shouldn't be interrupted. 

Give Rules For Being Respectful in Public | My kids were not allowed to be loud or run around restaurants while people are eating. It's disrespectful. Climbing on the booth next to me and annoying those around me while I tune them out is not ok. If my kid disobeys in public, I don't discipline in public. I take them to the car and when we get back inside the restaurant (or wherever) they have changed their tune. We have had humbling and amazing comments about our parenting in restaurants. Especially older adults, grandparents, can't believe how well behaved our kids were, sitting, eating, talking in acceptable levels of loudness, not being a spectacle. The spectacle was how respectful they were to others.

The Five Minute Rule (Warning) | One of the GREAT pieces of advice was using a 5 minute rule for preparing your kids to transition. Example: Kids are playing at McDonald's Playland. We don't just say "Let's go." We give them a 5 minute warning. This, to them, is permission to play longer as well as preparation that the end is near. That way when expecting *first time obedience* we aren't creating frustrated kids who were having a blast and then had parents drop the bomb on fun time. We almost never had an issue leaving something fun while other parents struggled and yelled. Such a helpful rule. This rule also works for bedtime, before leaving for something, etc.

ALSO, after doing this for a bit all I would have to do when one of the kids would look at me from the playground is hold up my hand with 5 fingers and they would call out to each other "FIVE MINUTES!" So, so helpful.

Pre-Event Preparation/Conversation | When going to meet with other people, go to a party with other families, go to a movie, whatever, we would have a short talk in the car. It was our way of preparing the kids for what was coming as well as setting our expectations for how they would act when they arrived. Example: Heading to a small group Bible study. We'd tell the kids where we were going, to remember to say "Yes Mam" or "No Mam" when asked something, to be quiet during prayer time, to be generous and let other kids play with toys, and so on. Set them up for success by reminding them just before an event of your expectations.

Titles of Respect for Adults (No First Names) | Never, EVER, let them call an adult merely by their first name. If an adult insists, you tell them (in front of your kids is fine) that's not how you are parenting them. Don't allow others to change your parenting. This is more obvious for family (Aunt Jennifer or Grandpa), but will show much fruit for everyday interaction. A member of our church will be called "Miss Gail" or "Mr. Ryan."

Use Timers | This may be what you use as a parent or what the kids are taught to use on their own depending on age. There is no "Go watch TV" for an undetermined amount of time. You get 30 minutes (or whatever). 

Sharing Is Not Requested, It's Essential | My kids would always share. That was the rule. If another kid is throwing a fit, you give it up. You take the hit. You make the peace. This wasn't about bullying, but about making it easy for the adults teaching Sunday School, babysitting, whatever. 

Boys Treat Girls Differently Than Boys | Boys are to be tough and rough and playful with boys. Treat girls with a kind of respect. Hard to describe this one, but talk to your boys about how to treat girls with honor.

Play Rough & Teach Kids To Get Over It | This one has done wonders for us. I played rough with the kids. Not hurtful or harmful, but lots of wrestling, throwing kids on beds playfully, etc. I still do it, even now that they are big enough to play rough back! When you do this and then someone at church or school is a little rough with your kids they won't whine, cry, tattle. They won't act hurt for attention. Teach them to handle rough play.

ALSO, my kids were taught that they were never as hurt as they thought they were. It was almost always true. "Get up." "You're fine." "Be tough." Many parents gasp and run to their kid on the ground who really isn't hurt all that bad but loves attention. My kids were taught to get up and keep going. Elijah got hit by a very fast pitch and it hurt him bad, but he tossed his bat aside and ran to first base. Later he told me how bad it hurt, but he had learned to be tough and get over it. 

Kids Sit With You In Church | Some will disagree, but we taught our kids to sit with us in church from birth onward. Some will think it impossible. It isn't. We saw others do it and we did it. They were minimal distractions at their worst and often no distraction at all. I could give you a lot of tips on this, but the main one is to demand *first time obedience*, which means disobedience draws consequences. That's also why you prepare them on the car ride before church of how they will sit quietly, etc.

Ask Your Kids To Forgive You | You will fail. Often. Tell your kids that you do, when you do, and ask their forgiveness. We've asked our kids several times to forgive us for not requiring *first time obedience* (when we've grown slack), for example.

Kiss Your Spouse In Front Of Them | It blesses your kids beyond measure to know their parents love each other and want to show it. Comforting. Brings a confidence in your marriage when many of their friends' parents are getting divorced.

Talking Back To Mom Is Talking Back To My Wife | I tell my kids that if/when they talk back to Mom, they are talking back to my wife (not merely their Mom). She was my wife before she became their Mom, and that means something. 

Hugs & Kisses To Friends | Teach your kids to be affectionate with others. Just this Sunday I told my youngest two to give Miss Deb a hug before we left church. No questions, they did. We don't just hug Mom and Dad, but a lot of people. 

Disagree In Front Of Your Kids | You will have to ask their forgiveness when you do it sinfully, and there are times to separate & talk when we are struggling as a couple, but it teaches your kids that no disagreement will separate us from each other. It prepares them to get married one day and see what a marriage really looks like. Messy.

Keep/Give Away | Our kids have been taught to regularly do a keep/give away day. They go through all their toys and decide what to keep and what to give away. It de-clutters things as well as teaches them how to move on, how to be generous, how to not hoard, etc.

Teach Your Kids To Sing | Music has always filled our house, and we aren't musicians or singers by any artistic standard. But singing is a part of worship and so we make it a part of life. Doesn't mean it's always worship music. Hardly. But we are singing. It's common to be working in my home office and have a child start belting out a song at the top of their lungs upstairs. It teaches them to be loud in public worship singing too.

Teach Your Kids God Loves Them More Than You | It doesn't mean I love them less than I should, but that God's love is beyond comparison.

Get In The Pool | Play with your kids. Don't just watch them play. They want it! While on vacation last summer I got in the pool and would throw a ball as the kids would leap into the pool while trying to catch the ball. Kinda like a dog. :) Another family we met there saw us doing that and became our best friends while there. Every day the kids played with us as if I was their Dad. Their kids wanted to play. Their Dad eventually decided to stop reading and join us in the pool. His kids kept nagging him until he did! Playing teaches your kids they are important to you. It's fun. It has helped us to befriend others and bless families who don't have Dads and Moms in the pool.

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I cut out some as this is already too long. Hope it helps. Would love your interaction on my advice and to hear some of your own.

Groundhog Day & My Life in Woodstock, IL

Groundhog Day was filmed almost completely in Woodstock, Illinois, where I live. Here are a few fun movie facts as they merge with my life.

1. The Starbucks I frequent is right next to "The Pennsylvanian Hotel." In real life the hotel is the Opera House in which my kids have been in summer plays, I've seen Alejandro Escovedo play, I've heard Billy Collins read poetry, etc. 

2. I've taken photographs from the tower at the top of the hotel (Opera House) Bill Murray jumps from in one of his moments of despair.

3. When our church used to meet outside of our church building a few years ago, we met in a ballroom in the building along the alley where Bill Murray tries to revive the "old man." It's right across from the "Alpine Theater" which is really the Woodstock Theater.

4. "Gobbler's Knob," where the prognostication happens, is the place on the Woodstock Square where my boys and I usually play "hot box" or "pickle" between two trees.

5. The Bed & Breakfast Bill Murray stayed in is a real Bed & Breakfast in Woodstock. Or at least it has been. I think they had some issues in the last few years.

6. I've stood where Bill Murray stood as he stepped in the puddle. You can too. There's a plaque. There are actually many plaques around Woodstock at all the main sites.

7. The restaurant & bar where Bill & Andie McDowell drink to world peace is now closed, though it was open when we moved here. You could (and we did) actually eat in a jail cell, as it's part of the Old Courthouse in Woodstock. 

8. Molly & I have danced where Bill Murray and Andie McDowell danced. It's a Moose Lodge. Our dancing was way cooler.

9. The "Tip Top Cafe" has been many things since the movie. It's now a Mexican restaurant. A few years ago it was a family favorite place to go for gelato.

10. Woodstock has a yearly Groundhog Day event with our own groundhog, Woodstock Willie. He said winter is ending soon and announced it at 7:07am today.

How To Speak To Into Your Children's Lives

Sometimes my kids think I don't understand their generation. Um, wrong.

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

Chronic Suffering & Christian Hope

This is outstanding on "Longing for Wholeness." It's spot on for what my family is experiencing at the moment, and has been experiencing the last few years. Mark Talbot is apparently writing a book on profound suffering titled When the Stars Disappear. I look forward to buying that book, that has been his labor for years now, in light of this excellent teaching from Talbot at the Desiring God's Works of God Conference. Please watch or go listen to/download the audio. (via JT)

Longing for Wholeness: Chronic Suffering and Christian Hope from Desiring God on Vimeo.

Lots-o-Links 11.14.12

How To Create A Disciple-Making Culture In Your Church | Justin Buzzard

Six months ago, when our church plant was eight months old, I realized I had made a big mistake in church planting. I kept talking about discipleship and I was coaching others in how to make disciples, but I hadn’t done enough face-to-face modeling of what I meant when I told our church to make disciples. Thus, our church didn’t yet have the discipleship culture I wanted it to have.

So, I confessed my mistake and then prayerfully selected twelve men to disciple for six months in order to inject a strong disciple-making culture into our church. I created a discipleship process and then spent the last six months investing in these twelve men. It wasn’t perfect, but it was my best. I gave these men my heart, my best training, my time, my love, my prayers, my energy, etc.

12 Social Media Tips for Church Leaders

I'd like to tweak a few of Steve Fogg's points, but a lot of good stuff to think about as we engage in social media. 

When Biography Shapes Theology | Greg Thornbury

This is at the very heart of faith, to marvel at that great cloud of witnesses who "were stoned, sawn in two, and killed with the sword...who went about in skins of sheep and goats, destitute, afflicted, mistreated...of whom the world was not worthy, wandering about in deserts and mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth" (Heb. 11:37-38).

Grace Filled Parenting | 3 Videos with Jeff Vanderstelt

Sarah's Sweet Sixteen

Sixteen years ago today Bob Dole was trying to defeat Bill Clinton and become President of the United States. He failed. And I didn't vote. Why?

Sixteen years ago today my wife succeeded in giving birth to our firstborn, a sweet little girl. We named her Sarah Elizabeth McCoy. We were living in Lakewood, Colorado, a western suburb of Denver, right along the foothills. When Molly went into labor on the night of November 4th, we knew it would be a long night. She went through more than a half a day of labor before our little Sarah was born.

That little doll of a daughter is now sixteen, getting her driver's license, stressing over grades, making works of art, and bringing her parents great joy. We are very proud of her. She is a great gift from God.

Dangerous Calling by Paul Tripp

UPDATE 10.30.12: Use coupon code PASTORS and get the hardback book for $4.60 (80% off!).

I watched this video today (below) for Paul David Tripp's new book, Dangerous Calling. I immediately went searching for my wife so she could watch it with me. By the end she was tearing up a bit and then we had a 30 minute conversation about the last 8 1/2 years of pastoral ministry and the struggles and pain we've experienced in our family & relationships. It was very difficult to be this honest, but it was very fruitful.

I'm buying Dangerous Calling right now, as well as the conference DVD's (10 - 25 minutes sessions | grab the free leader's guide and discussion guide). WTS bookstore has great deals for the next 6 days: hardcover $12 (48% off, or 5 for $10 a piece) and conference DVD's $15 (62% off). Kindle is out on October 31st. 

Dangerous Calling from Crossway on Vimeo.

Tim Keller | New City Catechism

Tim Keller posted on his blog today about New City Catechism...

One of the reasons to develop intermediate catechisms like New City Catechism is to fill a gap between children’s catechisms and the longer and more extensive older ones. New City Catechism is short—52 questions and answers, one for every week of the year. It is based on Calvin’s Geneva, and the Westminster Catechisms, and perhaps most of all on the Heidelberg. As such it gives people a strong dose of each, introducing them to the practice of catechesis, and developing in them an appetite and capacity for going deeper. It can therefore be used by church leaders as a bridge toward teaching members the older and more extensive catechisms of their respective denominations.

Read Dr. Keller's post "Why Write New Catechisms" as well as his previous post "Why Catechesis Now?" I'd also love to hear from those who have started using New City Catechism. What do you think about it?

I Am Aware of Breast Cancer

Mom died in 2007 of breast cancer, so it's impossible for me not to be "aware." But just to be sure I didn't forget, my daughter made me wear this for a few minutes today (outside), and my wife is begging me to wear it to the "Pink Out" high school football game tonight. I'm sorry for whatever trauma this may cause.

Miss my Mom!

What Shapes Your Ministry, Pastor?

Paul Tripp writes on the 29 things that shape a pastor's ministry. Here are a few that hit me, in the form of questions...

1. What does he really love?
2. What does he despise?
3. What are his hopes, dreams, and fears?
4. Is he committed to his own sanctification?
5. What are the anxieties that have the potential to derail or paralyze him?
11. Does he see pastoral ministry as a community project?
14. What character qualities would his wife and children use to describe him?
17. How robust, consistent, joyful, and vibrant is his devotional life?
19. Does he hold himself to high standards, or is he willing to give way to mediocrity?
25. Is the public pastor a different person from the private husband and dad?
29. How successful has he been in pastoring the congregation that is his family?

You see, it is absolutely vital to remember this: A pastor’s ministry is never just shaped by his knowledge, experience, and skill. It is always also shaped by the true condition of his heart. In fact, if his heart is not in the right place, all of the knowledge and skill can actually function to make him dangerous.

Go read all of Paul Tripp's 29 excellent questions. Be challenged by them, and changed by them.

Phriday is for Photos 10.5.12

My daughter Sarah (15) makes some wicked-cool art. This is in process.

Phriday is for Photos

Trying to capture a memorable moment during a sporting event isn't easy. You never know when it's coming. You make guesses and take lots of pictures that are just ok at best. I think I got a good one with Elijah running in a cross country meet. You can also check out the rest of my photography.

Date Your Wife

Dating my wife has taken a more creative turn over the last few years, after my wife had two brain surgeries, after she started wanting to sleep before the sun goes down (which she didn't struggle with before Chiari). We've had to be creative, and we haven't kept at it as we used to. It's not easy. Kids getting older, life keeps getting busier. But we realize how important it is to keep dating.

With that in mind, I'm glad to have Date Your Wife by Justin Buzzard to keep me focused on my beautiful bride. I want to encourage everyone to grab yourself a copy!

Phriday is for Photos 8.17.12

Two photos: First, Sarah fishing while on vacation in Branson, Missouri. We were surrounded by storms. Second, Sarah can't just let our first day of school photo be normal. She's a treat!

First Day of School 2012

2012 - Danny (9 - 4th) | Elijah (11 - 6th, 1st year of middle school) | Jack (13 - 8th, last year of middle school) | Sarah (15 - Sophomore)

2011

2010

2009

2008

2007

2006

Phriday is for Photos 7.13.12

From July of 2007...

This is Danny in 2007, who is now 9 years old. See all of my photography.

Phriday is for Photos 7.6.12

Jack & I took in The Amazing Spider Man midnight show this week. Go geek or don't go...

Molly & Chiari Update 4.27.12

Here's the latest on Molly, with a bit of an overall recap because I keep getting questions that I have only answered in some places. Here's where she (and we) arel. I have been cautious about posting some of this because when improvements come, sometimes they go away again. But things, at least at this point, are looking up in all areas.

MOLLY'S CHIARI SYMPTOMS

Molly's Chiari symptoms have included brain fog (significant difficulty thinking about most anything), balance, muscle fatigue, being easily overwhelmed, and more. I can say today that all these symptoms have been slowly going away for a couple of weeks now and mostly gone! She is back at work at our local elementary school. It's still more difficult than before all this, but she can do it now. Because the symptoms are going away, she's also able to be more involved with our church. Just a couple of weeks ago the slightest bit of loudness or being in a conversation with friends could easily overwhelm her. She would walk out during songs because it messed her up. And then it would devastate her ability to do anything for the rest of a day. Now those moments aren't happening nearly as fast or often, during gathered worship or elsewhere. I'm still protecting her quite a bit until I'm confident she's stable in her health, but things are improving significantly and she is able to do a lot more. God is so good.

MOLLY'S SLEEP

Molly's biggest problem at this point is sleep. Bad sleep = worse symptoms all around. But praise God her sleep is improving too!

Until a couple of weeks ago, she only had a slightly better night's sleep here and there, but nothing to write about. And when I say "slightly," I mean she slept maybe a couple of hours a night, and even that was intermittent. Now she's about 5 days in to an improving sleep schedule. A few days ago she mentioned that she was sound asleep when the alarm clock woke her. That was the first time that happened in months. Typically she was not falling asleep, not staying asleep, and wide awake long before time to wake up (which was 5am!). Now, all elements of sleep are getting better. But this is the area of greatest concern at the moment and we are guarding her sleep schedule.

Just to be clear on a couple of things...

• MRIs: Nothing shown to be wrong. Nothing can be surgically fixed.
• Neurologist: Dealing with symptoms and sleep issues. Seems to have helped slowly but surely. Probably won't meet or change anything with these solutions for a while.

Thanks for all your prayers. Pray her health and sleep continue to improve!

Molly & Chiari Update 4.12.12

Update 4.13: Molly slept terrible last night. Terrible. She is exhausted. She saw her neurologist today. He is trying to manage her sleep, or lack thereof, and we have no idea whether it will work. Nothing has helped so far. We should know in a couple days. I'm not sure I've seen her this frustrated over her health since 2008. Thanks for continued prayers.

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Brief update (4.12): Molly had about 5 better days in a row after some significant time off of her part-time job at the school and a lot of rest. Still not great, but better. More functional in daily life. Some of her brain fog issues have gone away for the most part, though she has remained easily exhausted.

The last two days things have turned worse again. She's barely sleeping, and we can't figure out why. We assume it's making symptoms much worse. It's been linked to times of increased symptoms in the past. I'm taking her to her neurologist tomorrow morning in the hope he'll take this another step and figure out what, if anything, can be done.

We are hoping for answers soon. We are praying for God's help and healing, and for her to continue to place all of her hope in Christ when circumstances at times feel hopeless.

Molly & Chiari Update 4.5.12

MRIs

Molly's neurosurgeon has now seen her new battery of MRIs. He says from a surgical perspective, there isn't anything wrong. Spinal fluid flow is excellent. Decompression (space created for flow from first surgery) is still good. They thought a lumbar puncture (spinal tap) might help if there is increased pressure from too much fluid, but she's had that looked at twice in the past and it's never been an issue.

They don't really have any suggestions otherwise. It's basically out of their hands. And that means we don't have reason to believe surgery of any sort is even a thought, at this point.

So for the moment we are keeping with the strategy Molly's neurologist has in place to relieve some of the intense & overwhelming reactions Molly is having to everyday things through some medication. So far they seem to be helping. It may just be that life is a bit more intense for her, and we just deal with the symptoms. It may be that over time the symptoms will subside, and we are certainly hoping that will happen.

MOLLY

As I said, Molly is having some positive reaction to some medicine she recently started. I can say that clearly the last three days have been significantly better than the last 30-40 days. She has more energy, though it's still not anywhere near normal. Yesterday we went shopping at Wal-Mart to see how she would react. She was better than weeks ago, but after coming hope fell asleep on the couch. 

Today, Molly went to work. So far she is a little overwhelmed, but seems to be dealing with it ok the last I heard. She is going to call in a bit during her lunchtime to let me know how she's doing.

We are encouraged by the last few days, but still very concerned and guarding her time until we see if this is a genuine turn toward the better. 

OTHER

Our church and community has been so generous. We've eaten well as many meals have been provided for us. Bags and bags of groceries have been bought and brought to us. Steaks for the grill are marinading in the fridge as I type. We are blessed and thankful for the many local friends who have helped so much.

We are overwhelmed with the many who have prayed, called, written notes and emails, given gift cards, and blessed both locally and from afar. We love all of you and you have made this difficult time more bearable. We don't know if we may be seeing a light at the end of this tunnel for Molly's struggles or if things could turn worse again. But we know you all have our back, and we are very, very thankful.

Last word for now: We have seen our kids learn to pray and trust God better during this time. God has been good to us and is teaching us a lot. I want to talk more about that, but I'm not ready to yet. And we are confident that He will continue to bless Molly and our family far beyond our expectations. To God be all the glory. 

Autism: 1 in 88

Many of you know we have an autistic son. Today is World Autism Awareness day where you are encouraged to "Light It Up Blue." When he was diagnosed 1 in 250 people were diagnosed with autism. Today it's 1 in 88. Remarkable and awful. Take notice.

Molly & Chiari Update 3.26.12

As we continue to wait for some news of Molly's MRIs from her neurosurgeon, we decided it would be good today to have her see her local physician. She got to see Molly's symptoms in full bloom. Really bad. Lots of tension, emotion, frustration. But those things helped her doctor to see all that's wrong and the need to do more.

Molly had a blood test to check a number of things. Her neurosurgeon thinks it's possible there are other issues that are making her symptoms worse. It's at least worth a try.

Molly now has a neurologist appointment tomorrow at 11:20am. We are hoping that will offer some answers, or at least get some fresh eyes on her problems and see what comes of it. 

Just trying to keep everyone in the loop. Thanks for your prayers! Many local friends have been generous and supportive. Very thankful for that.

Side Note: Notice in the picture how Molly is gripping her knees tightly with her hands. She didn't know I was taking this, but she is continually experiencing that kind of physical tension and mostly can't help it. Thought it might be helpful for you to see something like that, which I didn't notice until after I took the picture. Also note, the room was decorated in Cubs paraphernalia, which means she's doomed to at least 100 years of frustration. :)

Molly & Chiari Update 3.21.12

MEDICAL

Molly had her MRIs done on Friday at the University of Wisconsin Hospital. They went relatively quickly, but it was a long day. Saturday we mailed the CD of the imaging to Dr. Frim at the University of Chicago Hospital. Hoping to hear from him today or tomorrow. I'll update when we know something.

MOLLY

As best as we can remember, the last 10 days have been the worst stretch of the worst symptoms ever for Molly, including the weeks leading up to her previous surgeries. Mentally for her this has been really difficult. She almost never finishes a sentence or thought without significant pauses to gather her thoughts. About half the time she just gives up trying to say it. 

She has very little balance. Extreme fatigue and weakness. She was so bad on Monday that when she got to work (part-time at local elementary school) a couple of friends in the school office saw how bad she was doing and had to drive her home. She's probably done driving unless things improve. She pretty much never walks anywhere unless she has something to help keep her balance. She's almost fallen a couple of times. 

As a whole, life itself is very overwhelming for her. Just leaving the house and being around anything that isn't very familiar causes her great mental stress and leads to physical tension. Her whole body will tense up very tight and see has difficulty stopping it. It's an internal reaction to things she can't control. 

With a couple of days off of work and staying home more, she's at least feeling a little less tension. The symptoms are still there, and she's very emotional. But we hope a rest might help.

ME

I'll be honest. I feel very frustrated. It's tough looking at my beautiful wife and see so much pain and frustration and sadness in her eyes. It's tough seeing her struggle to say even a simple thought. It was painful last week to see her near meltdown in a grocery store. I had to spend several hours last week dealing with doctors & insurance & hospitals on the phone and email because the hospital required something unnecessary from our insurance company. It was a total mess. In the end we got it straightened out. And I'm sure it was a simple mistake. But it made my week miserable.

GOD

We can't help but wonder about these difficulties and what God is doing. The things we are working on most in our church are the things we are finding most complicated now with Molly's needs and struggles. Spending time with others, even those we know the best at Doxa, is great strain and increases her tension, quickly leading to exhaustion and other symptoms. The spiritual warfare aspect of this seems clear. It's changing the way I'm praying.

We continue to talk and pray together about the goodness of God, His ability to heal and our request that He would heal Molly, and His power made perfect in weakness and the possibility of the weakness remaining rather than being taken away.

If you would, say a prayer for Molly and our family.

Molly & Chiari Update 3.7.12

UPDATE 3/7 at 4:20pm: Molly's MRI has been scheduled for 2:30pm on Friday, March 16th at the University of Wisconsin Hospital in Madison. Last time it took just over 3 hours (if I remember correctly). 

__________

It's been a long time (over a year) since my last post on my wife's 4 1/2 year struggle with Chiari I Malformation. Find out about her diagnosis, symptoms, surgeries, and more in my series of posts: Molly & Chiari. Here's a brief, but important, update.

Molly's symptoms are returning in a significant way. This has happened before, as you can note from previous posts. A few times they have subsided. But they don't always, which is why she's had brain surgery twice. We live with the understanding that at any point something can happen that causes her spinal fluid flow to decrease and that would result in another surgery. Her stent could dislodge or clog. Scar tissue could form around it. Or maybe something else we don't anticipate.

Currently her symptoms are headaches (significant ones, some have led to vomiting), numbness in hands/feet, difficulty thinking or "brain fog," balance problems, continuous physical fatigue and weakness, nausea, waking without feeling rested, etc. She is easily overwhelmed. A trip to the store with all the colors and sounds and busyness can be difficult for her to endure. At times she has to find a quiet place and just stop because of the sensory overload.

This time around the symptoms have started and have kept increasing over a longer period of time. That may not mean anything significant and she may eventually recover. But it's bad enough right now that her neurosurgeon, Dr. Frim, wants another set of MRIs done. I've been emailed the MRI order just a few minutes ago and we will be working today to schedule an appointment as soon as possible at the University of Wisconsin in Madison. After reviewing those images, Dr. Frim will be able to see if something is wrong and if we need to make an appointment with him.

We'd appreciate your prayers for healing and strength for Molly. For comfort. For peace in times of great frustration. For a deep trust in the goodness of God. For me as I need to serve her well, help with the house and kids, help her shop, etc.

Thanks as always to the many friends (and many others we've never met!) who have been prayer warriors on Molly's behalf. To God be the glory.

Cheap Kindle Books 2.13.12

Kindle does a good job of offering good, cheap books. Buy a Kindle ($79), Kindle Touch ($99), or Kindle Fire ($199). Or simply get a free Kindle app to read these books for cheap!

FREE

• The Transforming Power of the Gospel | Jerry Bridges

$1.99

• Big Truths for Young Hearts | Bruce Ware

$3.99

• Shepherding A Child's Heart | Tedd Tripp
• Instructing A Child's Heart | Tedd & Margy Tripp
• Broken-Down House | Paul David Tripp
• Forever | Paul David Tripp
• Lost in the Middle | Paul David Tripp
• Herein Is Love: Genesis - A Commentary for Children | Nancy Ganz
• Everyday Talk | John Younts
• Christ Formed In You | Brian Hedges
• When Sinners Say "I Do" | Dave Harvey
• A Proverbs Driven Life | Anthony Selvaggio
• Get Outta My Face! | Rick Horne
• Red Like Blood | Joe Coffey & Bob Bevington

Also check out...

• 100 Kindle Books for $3.99 or Less, such as...
• Gotham Writer's Workshop: Writing Fiction - $3.79 - The Practical Guide From NY's Acclaimed Writing School

2012 Reading Plans

I'm working on choosing (or tweaking) a Bible reading plan for my family for 2012 so the kids can each work through some of their ESV Student Study Bibles, and so we can enjoy daily family discussions on what we are all reading at the same time. Thought it might be nice to list a couple of resources I'm looking at for the Bible as well as other good theological and devotional resources. 

Justin Taylor has a wonderful (fairly comprephensive) post on many reading plans out there, including options you may not think of on your own. He also has a post that includes a reading plan for Calvin's Institutes.

Joe Thorn's reading plan for the Puritan prayers found in Valley of Vision might be a great way to start the year devotionally.

The ESV has a number of plans available, and the ESV Journaling Bible I now use daily has a plan in the back I'm considering. 

David Murray, who has quickly become one of my favorite thinkers through his blog and Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary podcast, has a yearly children's morning and evening Bible reading plan. The explanation is here, and the plan is here.

Please feel free to share other plans you recommend or the plan you are using next year.

2011 Christmas Card Photo

We're bacon Christmas cookies. What are you bacon?

See previous years of McCoy family Christmas photos.

Lots-o-Links 12.15.11

5 Ways Wives Can Encourage Their Husbands | Jared Wilson

When you nitpick and nag, you give mouthpiece to the accuser who wants your husband to know not only does he not have what it takes, he is worthless because of it. So find ways to constructively criticize and help him repent, but more than that, tell him what you like about him, how you find him attractive or admirable, how you respect him or are impressed by him. Outdo him in showing honor (Rom. 12:10).

Coming Together On Culture, Part 1: Theological Issues  | Tim Keller

On the surface, the Reformed and evangelical world seems divided between "Cultural Transformationists" and the "Two Kingdoms" views of these things. Transformationists fall into fairly different camps, including the neo-Calvinists who follow Abraham Kuyper, the Christian Right, and the theonomists. Though different in significant ways, they all believe Christians should be about redeeming and changing the culture along Christian lines.

Pencil Does Not Fade | Joe Thorn

A cursory search on the internet shows most people stating as fact, “Writing in pencil will fade over time.” Rather than trust the opinion of some random dude on Yahoo Answers who hasn’t even read an article on the subject, I thought I would ask some people who could give me better direction. So I contacted the National Archives. They were happy to answer my questions quickly and provide helpful references. After a few email exchanges with people who spend their time in historic documents, here is the bottom line for those wondering if writing in pencil will fade.

Graphite pencil is a very stable material.  It does not fade in light. It does not bleed in water unless other dyes were added.

Mark Dever - Reading Sibbes Aloud | After purchasing the 7 vol Works of Richard Sibbes I was reminded that Mark Dever, who literally wrote the book on Sibbes, has read aloud a number of Sibbes sermons. A nice idea, and worth checking out.

McCoy Christmas Card Photos 2007-2010

Here are the last 4 years in Christmas card photos we have sent out. I'll post our 2011 Christmas card photo when the time comes. 

2010

2009

2008

2007

Tim Keller | The Meaning of Marriage Q&A

Karen Swallow Prior interviews Tim Keller on his new book, The Meaning of Marriage. A blurb...

What does your book contributes to the conversation about marriage that other books have not?

It's not simply a how-to manual. Many Christian marriage books are "here's how to work on your problems." On the other hand, the book is not just theological on "here's the biblical view of marriage." The most recent and the best-selling Christian books on marriage from the last few years were either theological, polemical, or absolutely practical. This is a combination of those.  Most books I know on the subject recently have not been written by pastors; they've been written by counselors or theologians or people like that. This book was originally a series of sermons. When you preach, the sermon usually goes from the theological to the more polemical and into the practical.

Read the entire interview.

T4A | Featured Bloggers - Everything

Here's my best shot at creating one post with links to everything from Together for Adoption featured bloggers. Not every blogger wrote on everything or was present for every main session. I expect more posts are still coming with reflections on T4A in the days to come. I know I have some unfinished posts on some talks and a handful of other reflections to share. If you see things I've missed, let me know. FYI: I know other bloggers/twitterers said a lot at T4A, but I'm focusing on the "featured bloggers." If you want to put a link to other helpful posts in the comments from non-featured bloggers, that would be a great addition to the list.

Check out tweets still coming out from #t4aCon attenders and others RTing good quotes. Also go back in the Twitter accounts (listed below) for a ton of great quotes. That may be the best way to get direct quotes, while the posts often contain interaction on the quotes and topics.

BLOGGERS - Name [link to Twitter account] (abbreviation)

• Matthew Lee Anderson [Tw] (MLA)
• Aaron Armstrong [Tw] (AA)
• Dorothy Bode (DB)
• Julie Gumm [Tw] (JG)
• Chris Marlow [Tw] (CM)
• Steve McCoy [Tw] (SM)
• Zach Nielsen [Tw] (Z)
• Lindsey Nobles [Tw] (LN)
• Dennae Pierre [Tw] (DP)
• Noel Piper [Tw] (NP)
• Josh Reich [Tw] (JR)
• Brent Thomas [Tw] (BT) 

MAIN SESSIONS

Darrin Patrick | Session 1 - The Church & Social Justice

AA | JG | SM | Z | LN | DP | JR | BT

Tullian Tchividjian | Session 2 - Surprised by Adoption

AA | SM | Z | LN | DP | JR | BT

Dan Cruver | Session 3 - Adoption & The God Who Cares

MLA | AA | Z | LN | DP | BT

Bryan Loritts | Session 4 - The Church as the Theater of Transracial Adoption

AA | JG | Z | DP | JR

Jeff Vanderstelt | Session 5 - Gospel-Motivation for Missional Living

AA | JG | LN | DP | JR

Tim Chester | Session 6 - Relaxing in Trinitarian Love

AA | DP

PRE-CONFERENCE & BREAKOUTS

• A Mom at Rest by Dr. Donna Thoennes || DB | JG | DP
• Missional Church, Missional God, Missional Story by Tim Chester || AA: Sessions 1, 2, 3 | JR: Sessions 1, 2, 3
• Attachment & Family Growth by Mark & Kristen Howerton || JG: Pt 1 | Pt 2
• Gospel-Centered Parenting by Tim Chester || DP | BT
• Trans-Racial Adoption by Vermon Pierre || DP 
• Missional Living & Orphan Care by Jason Kovacs || JR
• Grief In Infertility || MLA

MISC & POST-CONFERENCE

• MLA: "Together for Adoption National Conference" | "Seven Thoughts On Together For Adoption" 
• AA: "Heart for Adoption: Stephen Miller's Story" | "The Trinity & Adoption: A Quick Chat With Tim Chester" | 
• DB: "My Plans/His Plans" | "Worship Within The Circle of Bloggers" | "One Minute To Share Their Ministries" | "Seeing Change" | "Book Giveaway To End the Endless Pile" | "Project Hopeful"
• SM: "T4A Songs" | "Chicks 4 Orphans"
• ZN: "A Heart for Adoption" | "God's Care for Orphans Through the Hatian Church"
• DP: "10 x 100=1000 for Orphans" | "A Challenge Now That You Are Home" | "Pre-Conference for Adoptive Mamas"
• NP: "Adoption Changes Families" | "Home-Based Orphan Care" | "But What Can I Do?" | "Goodbye & More to Give Away"
• JR: "A Heart for Adoption (Video Story)" | Surge Intensive (non T4A event, but it's with Tim Chester)

Together for Adoption | Main Sessions & Giveaway

Molly and I are flying to Phoenix for the 2011 Together for Adoption Conference tomorrow morning, Lord-willing and the winds die down. I know many of you can't go but are interested in following along. So I encourage you to stick around for live-blogging here at Reformissionary. Follow me on Twitter for a lot of instant updates and pics and who knows what else. I also encourage you to follow other featured bloggers at T4A for a wide variety of experiences of and discussions about the conference. The official hashtag for all the stuff on Twitter is #t4aCon and official conference twitter account is @t4aCon.

You'll hear about a ton of different breakout sessions from different bloggers as well as these top-notch general sessions. You won't want to miss what these guys are saying...

Darrin Patrick: The Church and Social Justice

Tullian Tchividjian: Surprised by Adoption

Dan Cruver: Adoption and the God Who Gives

Bryan Loritts: The Church as the Theater of Transracial Adoption

Jeff Vanderstelt: Gospel-Motivation for Missional Living

Tim Chester: Relaxing in Trinitarian Love

GIVEAWAY

Ok, so for those of you who can't go, I'm doing another giveaway of 5 copies of Reclaiming Adoption: Missional Living Through the Rediscovery of Abba Father (edited & written in part by Dan Cruver). I love the book, and I want to get it in your hands. So, here's how you can enter for a chance at one of the copies. All three steps are required, and easy.

1. "LIKE" the T4A Facebook page.

2. TWEET (and/or post on Facebook wall), without the quote marks: " Win a FREE copy of Reclaiming Adoption! RT this & comment at Reformissionary to win: http://bit.ly/nW95S8 #t4aCon "

3. COMMENT BELOW (so I can verify you did steps 1 & 2). Include your full name and real email address (kept private) so I can contact the winners.

For fun, and since the World Series begins tonight, share your World Series winner in your comment. Texas Rangers or the St. Louis Cardinals? Also feel free to give your predictions on how many games it will take to win (sports SINthusiast Joe Thorn, just tell us your favorite color). I'm calling it for the Rangers in 5.

I will randomly choose 5 winners on Saturday, the last day of the Together for Adoption 2011 Conference. 

Phriday is for Photos | Sarah is a Superhero

Sarah and I were walking out of Java Planet yesterday just after a storm passed and I asked her to do that one superhero thing she does. If she aims it at you, you die. Beware. Actually, just after I took this a double rainbow showed up and I didn't take a picture. I was too busy wondering what it meant. See more of my photography.

Phriday is for Photos | 9.23.11

My daughter at her locker down a hallway at Woodstock North High School. Taken with my HTC EVO & post-processed with Picnik. See all of my photography, including the 10 most liked photos in my stream.

First Day of School 2006-2011

2011 - Danny (8 - 3rd) | Elijah (10 - 5th) | Jack (12 - 7th) | Sarah (14 - Freshman)

2010

2009

2008

2007

2006

Phriday is for Photos | Baseball Edition

Cubs. First, the undefeated champion Woodstock Little League Cubs. (more here) Elijah (10) on the right with teammate Nate. Second, me, Danny (right) and Elijah after our championship game victory. (First two pics taken by my daughter, Sarah) Third, my two boys first trip to Wrigley for a Chicago Cubs game on June 16th. (more here)

Note To Steve

When I take trips, Molly always hides little notes to me in various pieces of clothing in my suitcase. It puts a smile on my face when I'm away from my family. Most notes are what you would expect. "We miss you!" "Hope you are enjoying the conference!" "We Love you!" But for the Gospel Coalition Molly gave me a note I'll never forget, securely taped to the shorts I sleep in...

Those Who Face the Death of a Child

At The Gospel Coalition this week I was able to talk with David and Nancy Guthrie. Nancy Guthrie is the author of many books, including Come, Thou Long Expected Jesus and Jesus, Keep Me Near the Cross.

Nancy and David told me about Respite, a ministry to parents who have suffered the death of a child. I want to encourage those who have lost a child or have friends who have suffered in this way to check it out. Pastors, this could be a very valuable resource to keep in mind.

Family Worship & Bible Reading

I'm learning & growing to be the pastor of my family I've been called to be, and I'm enjoying leading them better in family worship and Bible reading. The recent Desiring God Pastor's Conference message by Joel Beeke on family worship was convicting and encouraging. You should check it out.

Right now we have five main resouces for family worship &/or Bible reading (singing resources aren't listed). For the most part our kids read Scripture in the morning and we use the other resouces at night. Let me know what resources you have found helpful in the comments below.

1. The Bible | Each of our kids has their own ESV Bible (compact Bible for my boys, my daughter has a prettier one). They are reading James every day in the mornings, sometimes on their own and sometimes with me and/or Molly.

2. ESV Study Bible | Same text with notes that help the family when we need a few interpretive helps on a passage. We have a copy permanently stationed in our living room for the kids to open if they need to check notes on their own. They don't do this much yet, but will get the hang of it.

3. The Story of God for Kids | Created by the good folks at Soma Communities in Tacoma, Washington. My family LOVES this. Well written and helpful notes for using it well, good questions to help it sink in. I have been reading it off my Kindle to them. Last night Elijah was peppering me with questions as he is piecing together the larger "Story of God" from the lessons blending together. Wonderful resource. Check out their other resources for adults and small groups.

4. Operation World: A Prayer Guide to the Nations | Eye-opening for our kids as they learn about the world and the needs of the world from a missionary perspective. They love to thumb through the pages and learn about a new country. We are putting little biographies of missionaries in their hands and they want to learn about those countries today. We want to teach them to pray BIG prayers to our BIG God for our BIG world. UPDATE: Commenter reminded me of Window on the World, an Operation World of sorts for younger kids. We have that and the kids like it a lot.

5. Four Holy Gospels | Just got this in the mail yesterday. It's the most beautiful Bible I've ever seen, with artwork by NYC artist Makoto Fujimura. Our family was able to meet Mako and attend the Crossway Books release event for the project. We now plan on using the Bible at least once a week (Sundays) to take turns reading aloud from a Gospel together before we leave the house to gather with our local church. It's nice to add a substantial piece like this into our family worship & Bible reading that will last through the years as a family treasure.

Four Holy Gospels & Makoto Fujimura

I was invited to Crossway Books in Wheaton for the release of the Four Holy Gospels project featuring the ESV version of the four Gospels in a giant book format illuminated through the artwork of Makoto Fujimura.

The whole family got to attend and I really enjoyed it. Upon arrival the crowd was abuzz, the sugar water was flowing, appetizers were being served, and within a few minutes my wife and four kids found and "cornered" Mako. I was busy talking with Collin Hansen who introduced me to Stan Guthrie, an editor at large at Christianity Today. Then I noticed Molly talking to Mako and looking for me. That's a good woman. So I ditched Collin and Stan, who (I think) understood my abrupt departure, and went to talk to Mako.

He was kind and humble. We talked about his church, Redeemer in NYC, and his time at Resurrection Presbyterian during their time as a plant. I mentioned how much I have enjoyed his book, Refractions, which really is a great book on faith, art, and culture. So glad I got a chance to interact with one of my favorite artists of any stripe. Then the presentation got formal as Mako and others spoke.

The Four Holy Gospels really is beautiful. I'd love a copy, but can't afford one just now. It's $130 (cloth) through Crossway (or $350 leather, wow), but you can get cloth on Amazon for $73.40. I can imagine sitting down with my family every night and reading through the Gospels illuminated by this great artwork. 

Crossway's post after the event explains the art...

The Four Holy Gospels incorporates five large-scale paintings, including the frontispiece, “Charis-Kairos (The Tears of Christ)” and four opening plates (one for each of the Gospels); plus eighty-nine initial letters (each painted, and many adorned with gold flecks and foil) specifically created for each chapter opening; as well as more than seventy individually-painted reflections and embellishments complementing the Gospels.

I do hope many will take advantage of the opportunity to own this unique piece of art. I'm grateful to Crossway for the invite, and grateful for the chance to look through this beautiful book and meet Makoto Fujimura. Visit Mako's website, read some of his writings, and follow him on Twitter @iamfujimura.

Lots-o-Links 1.21.2011

I'm reading Joe Thorn's new book, Note To Self, right now. Go pre-order it. I'm really liking it. Helpful for my soul.

Ryan Adams & The Cardinals: III/IV is $3.99 today. (21 tracks)

My family is headed tonight to the Crossway Books premier book reception and art exhibition for the publication of the FOUR HOLY GOSPELS (leather or cloth), featuring paintings by the renowned artist Makoto Fujimura. Check out some of it. More in a mini-documentary...

Makoto Fujimura - The Art of "The Four Holy Gospels" from Crossway on Vimeo

Before visiting the exhibition we are eating at the new Wheaton Chick fil-A and perusing books at Richard Owen Roberts Booksellers. We are leaving early as I'm going to try to meet with Mr. Roberts for a bit. He is a well-known speaker, writer, and editor specifically on the issue of revival, which is what I'm preaching on. He was also interim pastor of the church I currently pastor and I have received good advice during sit-downs with him before. So I'm going to look for books on revival and speak to an expert on the subject. It's going to be a great night!

Oh, and if you haven't seen my post on John MacArthur's uncharitable response to Darrin Patrick's excellent book, Church Planter, you should go check it out.