Christmas was more trinkety this year than normal. The "Happy Birthday Jesus" coin was a gift to our kids during the United Methodist Christmas Eve service. The "Sacred Heart" purple glitter Jesus bank was a gift from my daughter because, you know, she thought it would be awesome for me to have. It is. Now, if only we had kept a coin to put in my Jesus bank.
Family
12/25/2010
12/21/2010
12/17/2010
Molly Update 12.17.10
It's taken a bit but we've finally found out about Molly's MRI. Here's an update on Molly & Chiari.
A. MRI read by her surgeon and it looks great. No problems. Thanks be to God that means not even a hint of need for or thought of surgery.
B. Molly's symptoms have progressively, though slowly, begun to normalize. Her physical symptoms were so bad at one point she had to break out her cane again. You probably wouldn't even notice anything if you saw her today. Mostly normal. Mentally there are still some issues. Brain fog, a bit of forgetfulness, lacking some focus at times. But those are better than before too.
C. Now, we are just hoping the symptoms stay away. We've asked the doctor about other things that may have triggered symptoms. A knock to the head or whiplash or falling or any number of smaller things can bring on symptoms. We believe what probably triggered Molly's are times of intense (even if brief) stress. Even getting startled can do it. I now try to make some noise when I enter a room where she is, because she can be easily startled and that can mess things up.
So yeah, I pretty much have lost all the fun of sneaking up behind Molly and having her scream in fear. That's no fun! :)
Thanks so much for your prayers. In many ways they have been answered. To God be the glory.
Steve for Molly & the family
11/26/2010
Phriday is for Photos 11.26.10
Danny in a waiting room while Molly was getting an MRI. It was on the 2nd floor overlooking a bunch of people working out at a sports medicine facility & gym. | My photography.
11/23/2010
11/18/2010
Coming Attractions 11.18.10
Here are a few things in the works...
1. Ads: You can see that I'm gearing up for some advertising on the right sidebar. I've thought about it for a long time & had some advertisers express some interest. I'm going to give it a go. It would be financially helpful for my family during tight times. If you are interested, click on an "Advertise Here" link.
2. Links: I also want to add that whenever you see a link of mine to a book or music on Amazon with the Reformissiona-20 tag on it, that means I get a small cut for recommending it. It adds nothing to your cost. It's the same as if you went straight to Amazon. Essentially by buying products with my link you get same good price and help supply my book budget. I have no other book budget than this. Thanks for supporting it. And I work very hard not to just point you to anything in the hope of making some cash. I skip over recommending many deals that I don't personally want to recommended.
3. Reviews: I have reviews coming on Tim Keller's new book, Generous Justice, and Jim Elliff's reworking of Pursuing God. Both are great. Hope to get to both very soon.
4. Writing Projects: I have several blog articles in the works that have been fermenting for a while and that I'm excited about. I want to get a regular schedule for posting articles in the next couple of weeks. Look for that. I'm saying it publicly so I feel guilty if I don't get it started. :)
5. Phriday is for Photos: I haven't been very active in photography lately, but I'm also planning on getting it kicking again.
6. Molly: I know it doesn't seem like a very cool "coming attraction," but expect more soon about my wife's battle with Chiari I Malformation. The blog has helped her to connect and minister to many women who are suffering the same things and scared.
7. Tim Keller Resources: It's been a while since I seriously worked on my TK Resource page. Without doing anything a few things there look broken. I hope to get it back in shape for your resourcing pleasure.
11/12/2010
Phriday is for Photos
Not my photo. Our local paper, the Northwest Herald, caught Elijah (10) reading in the school library. Great photo of a great kid.
11/09/2010
Molly Update 11.9.10
It's been a long time since I gave an update on Molly, mostly because there has been nothing new. She has been great. That started to change a month ago.
Over the last month Molly started to experience small, though not insignificant symptoms from Chiari. Read all the old posts on Molly & Chiari. Or check out an initial post from 2007 on what Chiari I Malmformation is.) On Friday she woke with a massive headache that caused her to vomit most of the day. Late Friday that was done, but other symptoms began and were full-on. She easily loses her balance, struggles to finish thoughts (brain fog), gets easily overwhelmed, has significant muscle weakness and some numbness in her arms and legs, and more. It's been consistently bad since Friday.
That's not a long time, and she has dealt with some symptoms from time to time and had them subside. That happened last year. But it hasn't been this bad since before her last brain surgery. We still are hoping and praying for the symptoms to go away, but they are bad enough that contacting Molly's doctor was necessary.
I emailed Molly's doctor, Dr. David Frim, at the University of Chicago Hospital. He responded today and said that it's time to initiate another evaluation. We are waiting for his assistant to respond and, we assume, make an appointment for us at U of C. We don't know anything about what tests that may require (MRI, spinal tap, etc).
We have prayed for the symptoms/problem to go away, but were talking today about how God's power will be made perfect through her weakness (2 Cor 12). I'm assuming that's why she wanted me to use the above graphic for this post. :)
I'll post more when we have more info. If anyone can pray, please pray for God to be glorified through this, and to be merciful to Molly.
Also, if you can, pray for me as I will be spending a significant amount of time with her as she is losing ability to be out of the house for an extended period of time on her own. We ran errands on Monday and I don't think she could have done it without me there. This is on top of tough times in our church where money is tight and I'm busier than I've ever been. This is going to put significant strain on our family and we need His strength for all of it.
Thanks friends. We appreciate you.
10/27/2010
Parenting: The Appeal
Our kids have been taught to obey us the first time we say something, and they do pretty well. We get a lot of comments from friends and other parents about it, usually with some surprise at how obedient they are. They sometimes assume our kids just happen to have calmer personalities than theirs. That we just got lucky. Truth is, we've been blessed to be around parents who have parented well and taught us by example. You can parent better. You can and should ask your kids to obey the first time you say something.
One thing we've changed as our kids are getting a bit older is an "appeal." Now when we ask for their obedience, they are allowed to ask for an appeal, meaning they can make a request to delay obedience. It's working out really well. It keeps them from being frustrated when they have something they are trying to finish.
The call to dinner is a perfect example. Usually when the call comes from mom they come running. It's food, after all. But occasionally a kid will yell from the basement, "Mom, can I appeal?" And then they give a reason and mom will ok or not. If you don't do this, I recommend it. It helps kids who have growing responsibilities and who are maturing in wisdom to make arguments for how they can obey without hurting something else they are working on.
But it doesn't always work out. Last night mom called dinner and Sarah (13) said, "Mom, can I oppose?" Mom, said, "No, you may NOT oppose! But you may appeal." :)
Do you have any parenting tips to share for kids of similar age? Comment below.
10/22/2010
Phriday is for Photos 10.22.10
This was a favorite playground ride as a kid. It's existed a lot longer than me, and now my kids get to play on it. That's Elijah in the first photo. While you can photoshop blur into a picture, this is just as it was taken. I was riding the other side and my camera was moving at the same speed & direction as E's head while the rest of him wasn't. Pretty cool. The second pic from left to right is Sarah (13 1/2), Daniel (7 1/2), Jack (12) and Elijah (10). See all my photography.
09/10/2010
Who Feels ___________
Sorry it's a blurry camera phone shot. It was hanging from the ceiling and moving. Elijah's (9) class all had poems where they filled in certain blanks (I suppose) and it makes up a sort-of poem. It's something only a kid would say, and I love it.
09/06/2010
08/19/2010
First Day of School 2006-2010
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
07/16/2010
04/16/2010
Phriday is for Photos 4.16.10
I wish my son was as good at growing as he is at baseball. This is Elijah in the midst of his teammates from his Little League tournament team, the Woodstock Tsunamis.
04/08/2010
NPM: Billy Collins Interview
Listen to this interview of Billy Collins by Christy Tennant of International Arts Mission (IAM). You should subscribe to the IAM podcast. One of the best things on the arts from a perspective of faith out there.
Also check out the most touching Billy Collins poem (to me) "The Lanyard." It's something I like to point to each April in remembrance of my Mom, who died of cancer in April of 2007.
03/16/2010
Lots-o-Links 3.16.10
Tullian Tchividjian: Counterfeit Gospels
The good news of the gospel is that both inside and outside the church, there is only One Savior and Lord, namely Jesus. And he came, not to angrily strip away our freedom, but to affectionately strip away our slavery to lesser things so that we might become truly free!
Jeff Vanderstelt: Gospel Hospitality, Gospel Hospitality In Our Neighborhood
As I was just talking to Jayne about this she said many people are willing to do the basics of hospitality, but shut down once it gets difficult and messy. It is at this point, where the Gospel gives us strength to continue AND where the opportunities to give a reason for our hope (1 Peter 3:15) open up because most people (believer and unbeliever alike) know how to be “good neighbors”, however, very few are willing to “suffer” (if we can call it that) for the sake of others.
We have found that the mess and the difficulty of loving hospitality done in the power of the Gospel is one of the most powerful witnesses we’ve had to our neighborhood.
Drew Goodmanson quoting Francis Schaeffer (from sermon)
Don't start with a big program. Don't suddenly think you can add to your church budget and begin. Start personally and start in your home. I dare you. I dare you in the name of Jesus Christ. Do what I am going to suggest. Begin by opening your home for community...
How many times in the past year have you risked having a drunk vomit on your carpeted floor? How in the world, then, can you talk about compassion and about community--about the church's job in the inner city?
Tim Chester reviews ReJesus by Michael Frost and Alan Hirsch
Joe Thorn: Do You Love the Law?
But here's the rub: we can only love the law after it has been fulfilled by Christ on our behalf. The law will only be a delight to us after we have found life by the gospel.
A photo of my wife made the local paper. A photo of our son, Daniel (from a few years back), made a golf website by my SIU golf team buddy, Steve Keeler: DLRGolf.com.
Lifehacker: Create your own QR-Code, like this one for my Tim Keller Resources...
03/03/2010
02/25/2010
02/09/2010
01/29/2010
Review: Gospel-Centred Family
A few weeks back I reviewed Gospel-Centred Church, a workbook by Steve Timmis and Tim Chester. I found it very helpful and I'm using it with some guys at Doxa Fellowship. I have two more reviews of similar resources on the way. In the next week or so I hope to review Gospel-Centred Life by Steve Timmis and Tim Chester. Today it's Gospel-Centred Family by Ed Moll and Tim Chester. All of these books came to me for review from the good folks at The Good Book Company. FYI, I review and promote resources that I like and don't just give everyone a shout-out. If I don't like stuff I won't review it.
Onto my review of Gospel-Centred Family (GCF). The book, running just over 90 pages, is broken up into twelve lessons/chapters in four main sections.
- Part 1: A Gospel-Centred Family
- Part 2: A Grace-Centred Family
- Part 3: A Word-Centred Family
- Part 4: A Mission-Centred Family
Like Gospel-Centred Church, each lesson is roughly 5-6 pages long and moves through six segments. The first is a principle--the core of the lesson. A scenario is introduced to raise a dilemma in gospel ministry. Then we consider Scripture (only a reference given so you can use your own Bible) with questions, a section discussing the theology and application of the principle, discussion questions, and actionable items are finally suggested (see the lesson titles).
I enjoyed the workbook a lot and think it will be helpful for the church. Let me start with a few weaknesses in GCF.
I would have liked if the book dealt early on with God's created purpose for the family. Why do we have families in the first place? Why are we to "be fruitful and multiply"? In some ways this workbook drops in on parents in the middle of where they are and works out of it rather than laying a foundation in the biblical story and then building on it. That's still good, but one chapter on creation foundations would have been nice.
I occasionally disagreed with something, though nothing of great significance. One practical recommendation in GCF is to teach kids obedience by counting to five. The goal is to make it "clear that our children had to obey now" by teaching them to obey by the time we get to "five." But counting to five teaches your kids that they don't have to obey until you are almost done counting. Why not teach them to obey now by teaching them to obey now? Most of the advice is excellent and this one isn't a deal-breaker. But I still think it's odd advice.
Now for the strengths, and there are many more than I will list. I really like this workbook. GCF deals with several crucial issues of parenting with a bunch of helpful, practical advice. I particularly liked the "Grace for a Child's Heart" chapter. We can easily train our children to be legalists if we aren't careful by comparing them to other children, holding grudges against them, humiliating them in public, bribing them to obey, etc. The authors stay cross-focused...
Above all, bring your children to the cross. Teach them about the cross Extol the cross. Thank God with them for the cross. Sing about the cross.
The next chapter is about seeing children as a gift. This is so important right now in our culture. I know few people who truly act like children are a gift from the Lord we enjoy more than a burden to bear. College can't come soon enough for these folks! Sad. And GCF is helpful. Simple changes will change everything: time, conversation, meals, creating things together, games, etc. My favorite is the advice to tell stories. I have so many stories and songs in my head from grandparents and parents. My generation of parents isn't as good at telling stories. Good advice.
One piece of advice I've just done poorly for too long is to "include the people from the church family in your family time." We used to do that, especially when working with college students. Too infrequently now. Family isn't just about what we do together for ourselves, but on mission to others. How can we be hospitable together? Support single-parents together? Model good family life together? And then GCF encourages us to lead our children to be servants, givers. Simple & concise, yet continually helpful advice throughout this workbook.
I like what the authors said early on in the book, which expresses what we should want for our families...
We're not calling our children to a life of obligation and hardship that they must tough out. We're calling them to treasure! We're calling them to treasure Christ.
Let's do it.
I can see Doxa parents working through GCF together or on their own. I can see how hitting one chapter here and there in small groups might be helpful.
GCF sells for $9.99 with discounts in bulk. I highly encourage you to use it with families in your church.
01/15/2010
Lots-o-Links 1.15.10
Praying for the people of Haiti. Please comment with your recommendations on where to donate to help, and feel free to include a link. Redeemer lists three ministries.
If you aren't reading Trevin Wax (Twitter) he's doing good blogging. His book, Holy Subversion, comes out soon. Worth checking out.JD Payne, my church planting professor at SBTS, author, missiologist, is now on Twitter and blogging. I just got his newest book in the mail, Discovering Church Planting and look forward to digging into some sections that might help during our church renewal process.
Memphis is starting to talk about Jonathan McIntosh.
Mark Dever interviews Matt Chandler, pre-cancer diagnosis.
Brent Thomas is no longer the Baptist he never was.
Brief Molly Update: She is doing well, with no major symptoms or issues. Very blessed.
12/27/2009
Sister Christmas
My sister was haunted by this doll from my grandma's apartment when we were kids. Rediscovered a couple of years ago...we are now continuing to haunt her with it. She got this in the mail just before Christmas. Love you Julie!
12/18/2009
2009 Christmas Card Photo
Left to right: Jack (11), Steve (37), Daniel (6 1/2), Elijah (9), Molly (38), Sarah (13) and Calvin (5). Check out my Christmas card photos from 2007 and 2008. Full disclosure: I don't enjoy doing "pose" photography like this. But they are a nice yearly stamp for our family to have and to share with our friends. Enjoy!
Another, earlier version with a slightly different pose...
12/15/2009
11/24/2009
Get Creative With Christmas Card Photos
The last two years we have taken a creative route with our Christmas card photos. It's been a blast for us to create and people love getting them in the mail. With Thanksgiving a few days away and Christmas cards going out soon, why not think outside the box, er, the card?
I want to encourage you, even if you don't consider yourself a photographer, to get more creative this Christmas season. Surprise everyone on your Christmas card list with something a little more fun and they just might keep your ugly mug on the refrigerator a bit longer.
11/13/2009
Acts 29 Boot Camp in Louisville
Had a great trip to Louisville for the Acts 29 Boot Camp: Ambition. Thankful for a church like Sojourn and good friends who serve there as well as many friends in Acts 29. It was a like a family reunion and I'm not even in Acts 29! It was a great couple of days. Check out Chuck Heeke's Flickr account for Ambition photos. (Photo on this post is from Chuck.)
Though I'm not going to talk about any details, the wives' track really impacted Molly. Huge. Just what she needed.
Otherwise, throughout the conference a couple of reoccurring themes stuck out to us. We are still processing and praying about what we learned, but we wanted to share a four things with you that we.
1. Believe the Gospel. -- We all struggle with unbelief with all sorts of issues, at all kinds of times. This was hit upon by many speakers, of course. But it was lasered into me by Steve Timmis (Total Church, http://twitter.com/stimmis). We need to always be encouraging each other to believe the Gospel, not just seek practical advice. We need Gospel intentionality, to bring Gospel truth to bear on our lives and the lives of others.
A part of this is the overarching emphasis at the conference of recognizing our sin and having a life marked by confession and repentance. In a time when conferences are more and more practical, Acts 29 has done well to keep it theological, doxological, and Gospel-centered.
2. Know and love your city. -- Kevin Cawley (http://twitter.com/kevincawley) talked about decoding your city and knowing it like a life-long resident, a cab driver, a geographer, and a spiritual anthropologist. We need to get on the inside of our city and then speak as one of them. We need to let our ambition for the Gospel drive us to become students of the space we are in. We need to learn the questions people are asking and speak the truth of the Gospel as the answers.
Other speakers talked about calling and how our call should affect our heart for our city. A great reminder and encouragement.
3. Be yourself. -- Matt Chandler (http://twitter.com/mattchandler74) said, "You wanting to be anyone other than you is sinful." I chatted with and sought advice from an Acts 29 church planter and friend who said much the same thing, but from the angle of freedom. Be free to be yourself as you serve and love your city. You will be bad at being anyone else.
Don't seek to be like another pastor, or preacher, or whoever has a similar calling. Darrin Patrick talked about knowing our divine design. Who are you? How has God made you? Go be you. That's who Jesus made you to be.
4. If you want to know more people, blog about your wife's health and tweet photos of your kids. -- Holy cow. Everyone knew Molly. Ok, overstatement. But so many we didn't know came up and said they've been praying for Molly's health issues. One couple said they've been praying together for her for years. How much blessing have we received from the connections made through Reformissionary and Twitter? We'll only learn on That Day. We are continually blown away by the love and prayer of brothers and sisters all over the world.
We had a similar experience with our kids, as people recognized them from the blog and Twitter. They were at Sojourn on Wednesday afternoon because there was no room for them at the inn, and we heard that one person said (when we weren't there to hear), "Hey, those are the McCoy kids." Weird, but cool.
I regularly tell other pastors of the blessings of blogging/Twittering. It can connect you to a community of coworkers and friends that you wouldn't otherwise know.
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Let me add this here at the end, as something worth spreading from the conference. Matt Chandler gave an outstanding and devastating quote during the last message of the conference. It's from Eugene Peterson's Working the Angles: The Shape of Pastoral Integrity, which I read way back in Bible college. Here it is for you...
For a long time, I have been convinced that I could take a person with a high school education, give him or her a six-month trade school training, and provide a pastor who would be satisfactory to any discriminating American congregation. The curriculum would consist of four courses.
Course I: Creative Plagiarism. I would put you in touch with a wide range of excellent and inspirational talks, show you how to alter them just enough to obscure their origins, and get you a reputation for wit and wisdom.
Course II: Voice Control for Prayer and Counseling. We would develop your own distinct style of Holy Joe intonation, acquiring the skill in resonance and modulation that conveys and unmistakable aura of sanctity.
Course III: Efficient Office Management. There is nothing that parishioners admire more in their pastors than the capacity to run a tight ship administratively. If we return all phone calls within twenty-four hours, answer all the letters within a week, distributing enough carbons to key people so that they know we are on top of things, and have just the right amount of clutter on our desk—not too much, or we appear inefficient, not too little or we appear underemployed—we quickly get the reputation for efficiency that is far more important than anything that we actually do.
Course IV: Image Projection. Here we would master the half-dozen well-known and easily implemented devices that that create the impression that we are terrifically busy and widely sought after for counsel by influential people in the community. A one-week refresher course each year would introduce new phrases that would convince our parishioners that we are bold innovators on the cutting edge of the megatrends and at the same time solidly rooted in all the traditional values of our sainted ancestors.
(I have been laughing for several years over this trade school training with which I plan to make my fortune. Recently, though, the joke has backfired on me. I keep seeing advertisements for institutes and workshops all over the country that invite pastors to sign up for this exact curriculum. The advertised course offerings are not quite as honestly labeled as mine, but the content appears to be identical—a curriculum that trains pastors to satisfy the current consumer tastes in religion. I’m not laughing anymore.)
10/07/2009
09/16/2009
08/18/2009
Bad News: Molly's Symptoms Returning
Over the last 3-4 weeks or so Molly has gone from pretty much symptom-free to having nearly all of her symptoms from Chiari I Malformation return: numbness in hands/feet, strong headaches, some balance issues, some cognitive issues, etc. And of course along with that comes the frustration that everything in life becomes more difficult. Her surgery was in September, but blog readers know that it wasn't
until about 4 months ago that she actually had symptoms mostly go away. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go catch up on all that's happened to Molly since her diagnosis in June of 2007 and 2 brain surgeries.
So far things aren't as bad as last year, but symptoms seem to be returning in progression and the last few days have been the worst so far. Please pray for Molly.
07/30/2009
Summerbia: Connection Tools
A few weeks back I wrote about connecting with suburbanites during the summer. I mentioned participating in cultural events, being servants through things like coaching sports, and having hospitable events like cookouts. With 5 full weeks left we still have a lot of great opportunities to connect. I’ve noticed in my life and in the life of my family that 5 tools have stood out this summer as helpful for connecting with our neighbors. Here they are for you. I hope you’ll add to the list.
1. Invite Cards
— My church, Doxa Fellowship, just recently had some branding work done
and immediately had some invite cards created. If your church doesn’t
have them, I highly recommend getting some done. They are simple,
attractive business cards with key church info. On ours we have the
church name, website and email on the front and our Sunday location and
time, including a map, on the back.
I have invite cards in my wallet, backpack, both cars, camera case, etc. I don’t drop them under windshield wipers or “accidentally” leave them lying around. The last thing people need is to feel like your church is the same as the going-out-of-business furniture store. I use them relationally. They give a better connection to our church when meeting someone or having a conversation.
I think after a shipping snafu we ended up paying $25 for 1,000 cards. You can get them plenty cheap, and they are of great value. I pass them out all the time. I keep them in front of my face as an encouragement to use them. I have a stack by where I set my wallet and keys. I put 3 on the table at the café when I sit down to read or work and see if I can give them out before I leave. It’s a great tool.
2. Tennis Ball
— I have two sports-oriented kids who will watch girls softball if
nothing else is on. One thing we have learned to do is always keep a
tennis ball in the car, in our swimming pool bag, in Elijah’s bat bag,
etc. When we are at the pool and they force that 15 minute break, we
grab the ball and play “hot box” in the grass. Hot box is where you
have two bases, a guy catching at each base, and everyone else is a
baserunner trying to advance but not get an out. And guess what. Kids
see us playing and want to join in every time we play.
A few days ago we had about ten kids playing hot box at the pool. Just last night we were on the Woodstock Square for a band concert. We took the tennis ball and started up a game of hot box well off to the side. Sure enough others joined in. We’ve connected with parents and kids by just having fun with my kids and inviting others to join in.
A tennis ball is nice because it’s heavy enough to throw hard and soft enough to not damage someone. But if you aren’t baseball oriented try a good nerf football (you need to be able to really throw it or it’s worthless), a frisbee, hacky sack, bag toss (sorry, I won’t call it “c*orn hole). You have nerdy kids? Cool. Embrace it. Bring extra magnifying glasses and invite kids to burn ants. Or if nothing else works, just play a game of tag.
3. Extra
______ — It’s happened to you. You are at the pool or the park and
someone didn’t bring something they needed. Maybe it’s a water bottle.
Maybe it’s bug spray or sunscreen. I was golfing several weeks ago and
someone needed a Tums. I had one. When you go somewhere, bring extra
consumables and be aware of folks around you who might be suffering
from forgetting something or a lack of planning. Be over-prepared and
generous.
It doesn’t need to just be consumables. Early in the Little League season it was cold and we would have plenty of blankets in the van for our family and for others if needed. Bring an extra umbrella if it might rain. It’s snowing? Bring an extra sled.
The key here is to think of others when planning for your events and
outings. Whatever you need for yourself, just add more. We leave bug
spray, sunscreen, umbrellas, sweatshirts, wet wipes, lawn chairs, and
water bottles in the car pretty much at all times.
4. Camera — I can’t tell you how many times I have my camera with me and see someone trying to get a “family picture” with one member of the family holding the disposable camera. I let them get their shot and then tell them I’m happy to get a photo with my camera and email it to them. They love it. Most often I just tell them I’ll take the photo and they can see and download it on Flickr. I carry Moo mini cards with my name, email address and Flickr address on it.
I
also like to grab photos of other people and/or their kids in the park,
playing baseball, etc, and then give them a Moo card. In the last few
weeks Elijah (8) played on the 7-8 year old all-star team. I took a handful of photos, put them on Flickr, and gave a Moo card to every parent and coach. Same with the 9 year old team. Same with Danny’s (6) bittie ball team.
The commissioner of the entire Woodstock Little League organization has
been grabbing my photos for next year’s book because of it. Lots of
great connections. A few weeks ago a woman in Woodstock was getting a
photo of her kids by a piece of local art and I told her to pose with
her kids and I’d email her the photo.
If you have a decent camera, it can be a great tool for making connections with your neighbors.
5. Courage
— How often do you kick yourself for not striking up a conversation? Or
are you so bad at it that you just gave up and don’t even feel bad
about it anymore? We need a renewed courage to strike up conversations
along the way.
I’m an introvert. Everyone in my church thinks I’m an extrovert because I’ve forced myself to learn to strike up conversations when in public, though I’m still learning how.
Having invite cards, tennis balls, a can of Cutter and a Nikon won’t get you anywhere without a little courage to gently push into the lives of others with an opportunity to serve them. Too often people won’t ask for help. They will swat the mosquitoes rather than asking if you might have spray. Often the kids will stand on the sideline and watch us play catch rather than ask to join in.
Once you are prepared with a few “connection tools” you have to be looking and longing to be involved in the lives of others. You have to find opportunities, and open your mouth. “Want to play with us?” “You know, that picture of your wife would look better with you in it. How about if I get a picture for you?” “Skittles?” Once you have a way to connect, go ahead, connect!
Let me know some tools you have found helpful for connecting with your neighbors.
*Originally posted at sub•text
06/05/2009
Phriday is for Photos 6.5.09
First photo are my three boys studying on the Woodstock Square. Well, except that Danny saw me and posed. The second is a swarm of bugs in rural Wisconsin at the resort where I played golf a couple of weeks ago. See all my photography.
06/02/2009
Lots-o-Links 6.2.09
Brief Molly Update: All is very well with Molly and her Chiari issues. Sleeping is pretty much completely normal. She is taking no meds, works out regularly, volunteers in the schools, etc. Life is pretty much back to normal. We are so thankful to God for His mercy and her health. For a while we thought there may be no more days like this.
John Piper: The Pastor as Scholar
Resurgence: Re:Train (Resurgence Training Center) launches & Re:Sound (Resurgence Music) launching soon. Re:Bound (Resurgence Basketball Association, also known as The RBA) and Re:Lative (Resurgence Genealogy Project) still in the works.
John Frame: Questions to Ask a Film
Daniel Block: Gideon's Fleece
Jonathan Dodson: Confessions of a Failing Disciple
SBTS Towers: 3 Questions with Tim Keller
Art of Manliness: The Art of Summer Grilling
05/05/2009
Molly Update 5.4.09
Sorry it's been so long since I updated everyone on how Molly is doing. If you don't know about Molly's struggles with Chiari I Malformation, you can catch up here.
Molly's last major remaining issue post-second surgery has been sleep. For several weeks after surgery she barely slept at all. Her neurologist finally found a solution by prescribing a couple of medicines that helped get her sleep patterns in order. It worked wonders. But then several weeks ago Molly became increasingly sluggish during the day, to the point of laying in bed or on the couch for several hours each day, often multiple times a day. One day she got the kids off to school and went back to bed after sleeping for more than 9 hours the night before. Our joy turned to great concern again.
At that point Molly was determined to get off medication. Her neurologist made the statement more than once over the last couple of months that Molly may be on medication the rest of her life. We didn't buy it and became frustrated. At the very least we needed to test to see if she could sleep on her own. Molly needed hope and wasn't hearing it.
I'm pleased to say that a few weeks back, in the midst of her restless days, Molly was able to go completely off her daily medications. Within a day or two of stopping the meds the sluggishness went away. She regained a ton of energy and was still able to sleep at night. It appears that what the meds did to fix her sleep pattern at first began to overcompensate and made her extremely tired. She is now as active and energized as ever.
She still has nights where she just doesn't sleep well and sometimes will take an occasional sleeping pill the following night to recover. But we are very pleased to say that Molly, generally speaking, is sleeping on her own and is off all daily medications.
Let me add that Mol had a recent sleep study, soon after stopping the medications. It revealed two important things. First, Molly never got to the deepest level of sleep. That might be a bigger deal but for the second thing. Molly is at 88% efficiency in sleeping. The neurologist was pretty happy with that. And that's in a hospital room with wires attached to her! So hopefully the deeper, more restful sleep will eventually return. But for now the test seems to reveal that things are pretty darn good, and most mornings she feels pretty good.
Thanks again to all who continue to pray for Molly. I was blown away by the number of people I met for the first time at The Gospel Coalition who asked about Molly and said they were praying for her. My blog readers have all been such good friends to us, and we are grateful for you.
04/03/2009
NPM09: Mom and "The Lanyard" by Billy Collins
It's now a rule. Every year I need to re-post one of my favorite poems, "The Lanyard" by Billy Collins, on the anniversary of my mom's death. That's today. She died in 2007 from cancer at the age of 59. It's not really meant to be a sad poem, though it is now that for me. It's supposed to be sorta funny and insightful, as the video shows.
So here's to your Mom and mine. Video is of Collins reading and the text of the poem is below that.
The Lanyard by Billy Collins
The other day I was ricocheting slowly
off the blue walls of this room,
moving as if underwater from typewriter to piano,
from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,
when I found myself in the L section of the dictionary
where my eyes fell upon the word lanyard.
No cookie nibbled by a French novelist
could send one into the past more suddenly—
a past where I sat at a workbench at a camp
by a deep Adirondack lake
learning how to braid long thin plastic strips
into a lanyard, a gift for my mother.
I had never seen anyone use a lanyard
or wear one, if that’s what you did with them,
but that did not keep me from crossing
strand over strand again and again
until I had made a boxy
red and white lanyard for my mother.
She gave me life and milk from her breasts,
and I gave her a lanyard.
She nursed me in many a sick room,
lifted spoons of medicine to my lips,
laid cold face-cloths on my forehead,
and then led me out into the airy light
and taught me to walk and swim,
and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard.
Here are thousands of meals, she said,
and here is clothing and a good education.
And here is your lanyard, I replied,
which I made with a little help from a counselor.
Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,
strong legs, bones and teeth,
and two clear eyes to read the world, she whispered,
and here, I said, is the lanyard I made at camp.
And here, I wish to say to her now,
is a smaller gift—not the worn truth
that you can never repay your mother,
but the rueful admission that when she took
the two-tone lanyard from my hand,
I was as sure as a boy could be
that this useless, worthless thing I wove
out of boredom would be enough to make us even.
off the blue walls of this room,
moving as if underwater from typewriter to piano,
from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,
when I found myself in the L section of the dictionary
where my eyes fell upon the word lanyard.
No cookie nibbled by a French novelist
could send one into the past more suddenly—
a past where I sat at a workbench at a camp
by a deep Adirondack lake
learning how to braid long thin plastic strips
into a lanyard, a gift for my mother.
I had never seen anyone use a lanyard
or wear one, if that’s what you did with them,
but that did not keep me from crossing
strand over strand again and again
until I had made a boxy
red and white lanyard for my mother.
She gave me life and milk from her breasts,
and I gave her a lanyard.
She nursed me in many a sick room,
lifted spoons of medicine to my lips,
laid cold face-cloths on my forehead,
and then led me out into the airy light
and taught me to walk and swim,
and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard.
Here are thousands of meals, she said,
and here is clothing and a good education.
And here is your lanyard, I replied,
which I made with a little help from a counselor.
Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,
strong legs, bones and teeth,
and two clear eyes to read the world, she whispered,
and here, I said, is the lanyard I made at camp.
And here, I wish to say to her now,
is a smaller gift—not the worn truth
that you can never repay your mother,
but the rueful admission that when she took
the two-tone lanyard from my hand,
I was as sure as a boy could be
that this useless, worthless thing I wove
out of boredom would be enough to make us even.
03/30/2009
03/17/2009
02/04/2009
Molly Update 2.4.09
Just returned from Madison, Wisconsin where Molly met with pediatric neurosurgeon Dr. Ishkandar for a "second opinion" on her Chiari I Malformation and 2 brain surgeries (catch up here). Ishkandar is a friend and respected colleague of Molly's neurosurgeon, Dr. Frim. And they somewhat regularly refer patients to each other when they may benefit from "fresh" eyes.
Dr. Ishkandar works at the American Family Children's Hospital in Madison. He has been out of the country until recently, so Molly was finally able to meet with him. He reviewed all of Molly's MRI's, Dr. Frim's operating room notes, and took down everything about her story from first symptoms to today. Lots of info, lots of questions.
He has basically asked for 2 tests. First is a sleep test (overnight) in order to determine if there is something about her sleep that is making it less productive: apnea, brain activity, etc. Second is a neuro-psych test (3-4 hours) that is a comprehensive test of her IQ, mental abilities, comprehension, and tons of stuff. That is probably the most important test right now to determine where her deficiencies are and try to find ways to help.
Ishkandar thinks that Molly's post-surgery neurological issues (thinking, problem solving, finishing thoughts, etc) can be helped. Her neurologist thinks the same, but this test is another big step in that direction.
The tone of the meeting was positive. He sees her as improving, even if plateued a bit. He really believes it may take up to a year to see the full benefit of the surgery. He sees no need for further surgery. All MRI's look as they should.
Generally we are very pleased with the meeting. It confirms where we think we are right now, that things are getting better and that nothing can be done anatomically to improve things. Another surgery would, in fact, probably make things worse at this point.
Thanks for your prayers and notes today. It may take a couple of months (at least) to get in for the tests. We'll let you know if/when something gets on the calendar.
01/20/2009
Molly Update 1.20.2009
It's been a while since I gave you a full update of how Molly is doing. If you don't know, my wife was diagnosed in 2007 with Chiari I Malformation. You can catch up here.
This is as good as Molly has felt since surgery in September of 2008. It seems that the neurologist's effort to get Molly sleeping has worked wonders.
Molly is taking medication every night just before bed and she is sleeping much better. The neurologist thinks that the very difficult post-op problems and the rounds of steroids she took got her inner sleep clock way off. He also says she likely has "brain damage" both from the surgeries (as with any surgery) as well as from the scar tissue that forms from exposing the brain and other tissues to the outside world. She's in bed every night at right about 9pm and up at 6am or so. Over the past few weeks there is a marked difference in how good she feels, which is obvious to me as well.
Mol's balance issues are still there a bit, but not too bad. She hasn't used a cane for many weeks now. She is able to go to the gym and do low-impact stuff. She also uses the treadmill at the house. The neurologist doesn't want her running, though she really wants to. She does power-walking. She has also just started using a Wii Fit, which is pretty cool. It's really helpful for her with balance issues as well as other exercise.
The brain issues, including finishing her thoughts and doing more complicated mental calculations and similar stuff is still obviously there. She is playing Brain Age daily on the Nintendo DS Lite that I got her for Christmas, as the doc recommended. She is also, almost daily, playing some games (like Mancala) that require her to use fine motor skills. Her ability to do simple things, like pick up a penny, has been finally improving.
All-in-all, Molly has been greatly improving and now has a bunch of energy and motivation. We really want to thank everyone who has been praying for her recovery.
We are still looking to a second opinion in February, if that appointment works out. It may be pushed back. That's the next step, and it will determine the steps after that.
01/02/2009
The 2009 Reformission
I've identified 10 changes I want to see in my life in 2009. Call them resolutions if you like. I have much more I could say about them, but I wanted them to be somewhat brief here. The first 3 are general and pervasive through the next 7, and are things I've been working on for years (ordering not important). The last 7 are more specific (and in order). I know that it's really God who works change, and that everything below should say "Lord-willing" after it, but just accept that up front if you would.
10. A year of clearer boundaries. I'm thinking of several areas here including the areas of hospitality (more at #6), personal organization, what I do in my different workplaces, time with my wife (more at #2), what we let our kids do and not do, etc. This isn't about "tighter" boundaries necessarily (well, maybe in a few areas). But muddy boundaries make for a muddy life. Clarity is, well, clarifying.
9. A year of fewer excuses. I'm sick of my mind running to look for better excuses for why things aren't different, better, possible. I've been working on this area for some time because it's a tough one for me. I'm going to work at dropping excuses, admit when I'm wrong, and press on. "Do or do not. There is no 'try.'"
8. A year of greater risk. Comfort is an easy default mode for me. Risk is a sexy word to me, and a sexy idea. But all too often it's a word and idea and not much else. This year when I catch myself being too protective or fearful (also see #7) I'm going to try and let go and go for it. I'm still going to count the cost, I'm just going to try and not selfishly count the cost.
_____
7. A year of saying what needs to be said. I'm a prophet-type guy. I used to be the guy who would say things and then find out later that I was actually very bold and courageous and truthful and transformational, though at the time it didn't feel at all courageous. I've been tamed a bit, and I'm sick of it. This year I'm going to speak when I feel led to instead of feeling later on that I should have said something. This will result in things from more direct evangelism, to more regular meetings with church folks who are slacking, to a louder public voice in my city, to many other things.
6. A year of expanding our "public" space. I'm thinking mostly hospitality and relational discipleship here. Some things have led us to restrict levels of private space and too rarely invite people in. Most of those things are stupid and selfish. We are going to try to open our home more, enjoy the company of friends and strangers more, etc. We used to influence people more through things like letting them be around parenting situations. This worked especially well with university students. We don't do that enough anymore. We have been really changed over the years by hanging around older Christians, pastors, and others and watching their life, asking questions, and just sitting and soaking in the relationship. We need to be more intentional about being there for others.
5. A year of scheduling mission. This has always been something I've done, but it's waned and I want to get serious about it again. Unscheduled mission is always easier for me (ALWAYS!) when scheduled mission is happening. So really this will help scheduled and unscheduled mission. I've already added some significant chunks into my winter schedule. I'm going to vary the locations, means, and approach. Along with this I have some ideas from last year that we shelved until some core changes happen at our church, which are coming very soon (see #4).
4. A year of church transformation. Starting in a few weeks the changes I've been working for at my church for more than 4 1/2 years are finally going to start happening. We are working on reconstituting, restarting, and renaming our church. That's just the beginning. Last year we made some important decisions and went through some real pain to make what's happening in 2009 a reality. Should be a busy, fruitful, exciting, and risky year. I'll try to keep you posted here.
3. A year of discipling our children better. Last year discipleship was just ok. We are still not close to what I want for my kids. I have a picture of what I want to see in their lives, of how I want them to experience the gospel, truth, faith, ministry, and compassion. Now we will day-by-day begin, one stroke at a time, to paint that picture.
2. A year of rediscovering my wife. The end of 2008 was really difficult for my marriage. We never grew apart or stopped loving or liking each other or anything like that. But most of my readers know how really tough these last few months have been. When you spend all the time thinking about how your car isn't working right you never get to experience the joy of being on the road. You get too focused on the problems. Same with our relationship. We need to get out and feel the wind in our hair and hug a few turns on the country roads again, even if Molly's issues mean it will be at a slower speed. This means things like getting date nights back in order, finding more time in the evenings to just hang and talk about something other than what's wrong with Molly, and me stopping being such a jerk. :)
1. A year of responding better to the Holy Spirit's promptings. I've noticed, especially over the last half of the year, some things in my life that just aren't in order. They get better, and then worse again. I going to spend more time preaching the gospel to myself. I'm going to refresh the disciplines while also simplifying things a bit. I'm going to be more protective of times of silence and solitude. I'm looking forward to a growing intimacy with the Lord over 2009.
12/30/2008
12/22/2008
2008 Christmas Card
Despite a pretty lousy year for our family (for obvious reasons) we are enjoying the beginning of our Christmas break. And during this Christmas we are especially thankful for the birth of our Lord, who gives us peace in our difficulties, hope for tomorrow, and joy in the forgiveness we don't deserve.
This photo was put into our Christmas cards and we wanted to share it with you here. You can also view our Christmas card from 2007. That's a tough one to top.
Merry Christmas to all!
The McCoys.
12/16/2008
Lots-o-Links 12.16.08
Brief Molly Update: We are going to Molly's neurologist today. He will hear that the medications are not working so far. Then we will hear whether Molly's EEG shows us anything worth knowing. And all of this is contingent upon the weather not being so bad that we can't go since it's in Crystal Lake and a snow storm is coming.
Jonathan Dodson: Four Church Planting Manuals Reviewed
The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary now offers a PhD in having a quiet time
David Allen has a new book, Making It All Work: Winning at the Game of Work and Business of Life
This 9Marks video is kinda funny. "It's calligraphy. I can't even read it."
Stephen King lists his 10 best movies of the year
Keller and Powlison: Pastor's Self-Evaluation Questionnaire
John Frame: Christ and Culture audio
Trevin Wax wants you to have some good books...for free
Very excited about Jerram Barrs' newest book coming in May of '09: Learning Evangelism from Jesus
12/12/2008
Phriday is for Photos 12.12.08
This middle school basketball referee is too busy to ref. Sarah was the lead flute at her concert. I'm so proud of her. She worked very hard. My three sons listened quietly and almost patiently through the whole concert. See all my photography.
12/08/2008
Lots-o-Links 12.8.08
I got an email from my buddy, Marcus, at TheHighCalling.org and he told me one of my articles is now listed as a Best of 2008 article on their site. Very cool.
Brief Molly Update: Molly is spending the night awake tonight so she can have an EEG test in the morning. If you think of it, pray for her. She is already exhausted and struggling the last few days with sleep. She is sleeping longer but not better. So tonight is going to be rough for her.
I've started to add music recommendations as well as poetry recommendations to my Amazon Store. Shop there and help the Reformissionary!
David Fitch discusses Dan Kimball and missional vs. attractional...and Tim Keller comments a couple of times. Fun.
Jeremy Pryor is thinking about the centrality of the prayer meeting.
Ligon Duncan has some good thoughts on a gospel culture in the local church.
Justin Buzzard lists 20 books to read in your 20's.
John Piper on why God is not a megalomaniac in demanding to be worshipped.
Sam Storms is starting to list his recommended New Testament commentaries. Right on so far in my estimation.
Joe Thorn tagged me in Facebook and said I'm this, uh, person. If everyone on Facebook who even remotely likes me and who is Joe Thorn's Facebook friend would tag Joe Thorn in one random, funny, or odd place, I would be eternally grateful.
12/02/2008
11/14/2008
Phriday is for Photos 11.14.08
Here's little Elijah near the beginning of the worst week of his life so far. Thank God his fever is gone and he is full of energy today. See the rest of my photography.
The End of an Era
Mayor of Pontiac, Illinois, Scott McCoy, will not be seeking a second term.
As a small-business owner, I am the business,” he said. “I have a lot
of flexibility owning my own business, but with the massive time I’ve
put in [as Mayor] with the very important and demanding situations this year, it
has severely impacted my business. And I have an obligation to my
employees and my family.
[...]
I’ve never considered myself a politician. And all I see are politicians working hard to keep their jobs instead of doing their jobs. So, I’ll give up my job in order to be aggressive and do my job. It’s not about me, it’s about Pontiac and saving this prison!
[...]
I’ve never considered myself a politician. And all I see are politicians working hard to keep their jobs instead of doing their jobs. So, I’ll give up my job in order to be aggressive and do my job. It’s not about me, it’s about Pontiac and saving this prison!
Read the entire article. Scott, the perks of having my brother as Mayor (that were never realized, honestly) will be sorely missed. Glad to see you focus on what's important in your life and for our hometown.
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